London Tonight Tonight Thursday 28th February

Good afternoon. I return from my travels to collide with an explosion of transport stories which will derail your contentment and send you crashing into the buffers of despair.
Let me start with Network Rail - used to be Railtrack and, before that, British Rail. But, like Kipling's "tiger, tiger, burning bright", they cannot change their stripes let alone their behaviour: they are still making a total mess of things. Thousands of Christmas-New Year holiday journeys were reduced to the humour level of a wake, by NR's over-running engineering works.

So, for reducing to tears even burly Scots, heading north for hogmanay, they have been fined £14 million. No one is sacked and , before he popped off to the Palace to be Knighted, Network Rail's chairman said "efficiencies" would be found to pay the fine and there would be more delays until the summer. Sanction and reward appear to have got muddled here - probably a signalling fault.

Add to that, 20,000 people a week using their Oyster cards, only to find the train or the platform (or both) full and so changing their minds, find they are still charged a quid. They can get it back if they can prove it within seven days but, at a pound, who'd bother? TfL seem to know that and have banked best part of a quarter of a million in the process. Harris plays Fat Controller and Glen, Thomas the Tank Engine.
Incidentally, when I studied economics, the "velocity of circulation" was a term describing how the speed and rate of usage of a unit of currency (pound or a penny) was a reflection of economic efficiency. I think it should be applied to trains, especially on the Circle Line!
Talking of velocity, would cars be able to go at 30 mph in town and 70 mph on the M40 out of town, if they were burning chip fat?  A group of eco-sensitive business people thinks so and is setting up a collection service. It is not only a rat I smell in this one but, clad in grease proof wellies and a fish-mongers apron, Phil avoids slipping up as he investigates.

Liz investigates the market for the haute couture cast-offs of the rich and famous. Fancy a torn Kate Moss white silk gown or a slightly floor-soiled Tracey Emin wrap? Bid high, help in the battle against breast cancer and you will enjoy a win-win feeling.

Which is what the Arctic Monkey's hope for at tonight's "enemy awards",  which the delightful Lucy is covering for us - Alexa Chung be warned! ( Mums and dads, ask your teenagers to explain).
Faye is suffering, I fear, from a cold. That can be the only explanation for the rather full, green and brown scarf draped around her lovely neck. She has, however, summoned the strength to tell me it is the "NME" Awards and not "enemy" - I was a Fab' and Melody Maker man so what do I know?
Save to say there will be no cast-offs in our news coverage, no "pay but don't use" sense of robbery in our running order - and no chip-fat spillages, unless someone has been using London's front-pages to mop up a kitchen catastrophe.

Robin doesn't think chip-fat-fuelled internal combustion engines are a good idea, but has expressed an elegant interest in any men's attire at the Breast Cancer sale. I think he could make an exotic scarf and mits from Tracey's wrap so there's food for thought if Robbie doesn't offer yet another leather jacket.

Chew it all over with us at 6.

Nice to be back.

Alastair and Salma, ( who has been 'phoning various "heavies" about tomorrow's What Not to Miss. I live in fear).

 

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 27th February

So, did the earth move for you..?

Or did you sleep through the biggest earthquake London's suffered for almost 25 years? Oh alright, 'suffered' is perhaps not the right word. While some poor chap in Barnsley got hit by a falling chimney, the extent of London's damage was not exactly biblical; someone said her glass cabinet rattled a bit. Still - makes a change from getting woken up by some drunk walking past your window singing 'My Way'.

(Sorry to go off on a tangent here, but our programme editor keeps singing this afternoon. Not 'My Way' thankfully but numbers from Grease and Mamma Mia. It's because she's been clipping bits of them out for an interview with the Evening Standard's critic this evening. He wasn't very kind about either of the shows... or, indeed, a number of others. Now he's written his own play which opens tonight. Brave man.)

 

Okay, where were we? Well, heading down to Westminster actually, after another protest against Heathrow's expansion plans. This time it was 'Plane Stupid' demonstrators (that's the name of their group, by the way) grabbing the headlines by climbing onto the roof of the Houses of Parliament. They don't want a 3rd runway at Heathrow you see. But people aren't talking about that so much as the fact people got passed Westminster security... again.

 

On the subject of security and 'keeping safe', we've got a couple of other stories this evening:

An increasing number of young men - and it does tend to be young men - are turning to dogs to keep them safe. Not friendly bow-wows who bark when someone comes to the house, dogs who are trained to attack and injure other people. 'Forget guns and knives' one youth worker told us, 'guns are the 2008 weapon of choice'. We hear from one chap tonight telling us why.

 

Can you believe that half of London's drivers still send text messages while they're at the wheel. What's wrong with these people? Are they selfish? Stupid? Or do they believe 'it'll never happen to' them? Well, we'll hear from a lady who nearly died after being hit by a driver on the phone... to see if we can't convince them.

 

Plus there'll be a tour round the new London Bridge exhibition (terribly hi-tech)... and, oh, just join us at six and you'll see.

 

Ben & Katie

 

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 26th February

Afternoon,

I'd like to start with a request today. If you're a tallish bloke... with mousy brown hair... and were schmoozing someone I presume to be your girlfriend on the Bakerloo Line this morning... could you please wash your clothes? They smell of stale food.

Okay, with that off my chest - let's move on to this evening's programme.

So, who likes surprises? Depends if they're good or bad, doesn't it? Which means one of the men running for Mayor in May will like our top story tonight... another one most certainly won't... while a third, well, he doesn't get much of surprise at all really... and he still won't like it. You see, we've got the result of another poll for you - 'Who do you want to be Mayor?' - that sort if thing. And it seems Mr Livingstone may be losing a bit of ground. Boris has gained some. And Mr Paddick's pretty much a 'non-mover' at number 3.  We'll be looking into why people are thinking what they're thinking, and if they'll carry on thinking what they're thinking. That's a lot of thinking.

 

Now, cast your mind back to yesterday's programme when we reported that Levi Bellfield had been convicted for murdering two women and trying to kill a third. We also told you that Surrey police have him as their prime suspect in the Milly Dowler murder. In fact he's been connected to a total of 20 other attacks and murders. (One of the murders police will question him on is that of 14 year old Patsy Morris who was murdered in Hounslow Heath back in 1980. We've an exclusive interview with her father tonight.)

Well, Levi Bellfield was due in court number 5 at the Old Bailey this morning to be sentenced. But he refused to show. His lawyer said his client wasn't coming because of an "explosion of bad publicity". His victims' families have their opinion on that. So have we. It's the judge's opinion that Bellfield should spend the rest of his natural life in prison.

 

And on we go to... First Great Western. When we talk about train companies, it's tempting to slag 'em off and whine on about how dreadful their service is. The thing is not all train companies are that bad. Some of them provide a pretty good service. Not First Great Western though. In fact, the service they knock out is so bad the Government gave bosses an ultimatum today: "shape up or ship out". The deal is that if they don't inject £29 million EXTRA into the system and that doesn't produce a marked improvement in the running of the trains, someone else gets the train set. If you're travelling home with First Great Western tonight... pass it on.

 

Okay, speaking of things that don't move very fast - Fred is a 70 year old tortoise. You might think a 70 year old tortoise wouldn't be much trouble on the pet-care front; presumably, most septuagenarian 'shell-dwellers' just sit there and eat a bit. Fred doesn't. Fred's a fire-starter... Okay, she (yep, Fred's a girl) didn't MEAN to set fire to her owners' house, but she did. Luckily for Fred, her owners are the forgiving sort.  Me? I'd be thinking 'ornate Smartie bowl'.

 

So lots to get through.. not to mention problems at the Blackwall Tunnel and a 21st Century take on Tosca.

 

See you at six,

 

Ben & Katie

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 21st February

Good afternoon.

I have been away for  a couple of days which I hope you have noticed and, in some ways, regretted.
I am back which I hope you will notice, at 6, and in no way regret.

Jonathan Woodgate may be regretting what he said about moving South to play for the cockerel crowd at White Hart Lane. Southern hearts, methinks, will not go out to this Northerner who has secured a weekly wedge not unadjacent to three times the average industrial wage only to moan about house prices down here. He reckons you could get three penthouses "oop North" for the cost of a family home "doon 'ere". I didn't think they had penthouses in Middlesbrough, let alone three of them. Hey ho: Damien put on his shin pads and went for a natter.

Owing us considerably more than "a natter" are the strange folk at Camden Council who don't seem to see that there might be a problem with allowing Council workers to take away the belongings of tenants who die with no known living relative. Apparently they aren't allowed to sell the stuff - (oh really) - and it helps cut costs. We are shocked and have sent Glen to seek an explanation.

The people living in and around the Lea Valley are seeking more than an explanation about the pre-2012 greening of their valley. Hold your noses and wash your hands as Phil explains why they think it is more a case of " how brown is my valley" ! Not "Phew! Wot a Scorcher" but "Poo! Wot a Scorcher".

Our director, Nick is a respected animal lover and most of us are with him on that. Faye, (stunning today in a tailored white blouse, raunchy pin-stripped jacket and "distressed" jeans), recently 'lost' one of her beloved kittens only to celebrate, just yesterday, her safe return, is on Nick's side; as am I, who accepted not one but two cats from Phil when his widowed neighbour passed away leaving Mimi and Chloe potentially homeless. So, imagine our collective fury when we read about the yobs who take pleasure from taking pot-shots at cats and kittens with their air-rifles. Piers has our full, albeit illegal, permission to retaliate in words but not in weapons - more's the pity.

 

Do you pity people who have aircraft flying over their homes? Are you just such a victim? Ought something to be done or do you live miles from any flight path and don't care who you disturb as you wing it to the Costas or Florida? Opinion is divided, the powers that be are promising changes, and Martin is our man at air traffic control trying to avert a mid-air collision between these conflicting arguments.

Capable of settling all arguments is the genius that is Sir John Mortimer, learned barrister, brilliant author and peerless raconteur. He is with us tonight. I just wonder how a man blessed with such intellectual prowess can also be blessed with a beautiful and talented daughter, the delicious Emily?
Perhaps she'll come with Sir John?
I can't wait to find out.

You, alas, must... until 6.
Chrissie's weather for the prosecution, London's papers with the defence - it's just like Rumpole!
"Order in court" and in the studio, beginning at 6.

See you there.

Alastair & Nina.

 

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 20th February

Hello to you...

 

'The world's favourite airline' - that's what they used to call themselves... until someone pointed out that they weren't. And let's face it, events down at Heathrow yesterday and today will have done little to boost British Airways in the popularity stakes. Thousands of passengers given the option at the airport - "You can stay here WITH your luggage, or you can fly WITHOUT it." Not much of a choice for people who've paid hundreds of hard earned pounds and are all geared up for their hols, is it?

Now the thing is - it doesn't appear be BA's fault, but BAA's fault. That's the British Airport Authority. In fact BA are threatening to sue BAA  (could be confusing in court). Anyway BAA's - not BA's - 'all-singing, all-dancing' baggage-handling system appeared to have, er, forgotten the music. It went into meltdown... Passengers are still dealing with the 'knock-ons' and we'll have the latest on those.

 

How's this for today's nomination for a 'Victor Meldrew' award? Over one hundred thousand pounds is spent installing a CCTV surveillance system at a train station... but then no one connects it. There are disagreements. No one connects it. Arguments. No one connects it. Two women are then sexually assaulted at this station but still no one connects it. "I don't believe it." It's true.

 

Also sadly true is the fact that another young Londoner has died - it would seem at this stage - because of gang warfare.  Yesterday afternoon - in broad daylight this is - a 16 year old was stabbed to death. A 'good Samaritan' tried to save his life and we'll be hearing from him this evening. We'll then hear from a former gang-member who today became Crimestoppers' first Community Champion. How does HE think we could stop this violence?

 

Change of gear... and onto a bit of a spangle and glitterdust. It's the Brits tonight, presented by Mr and Mrs Osborne - AKA Ozzie and Sharon. Adele, Kate Nash, Leona Lewis, Take That and the Arctic Monkeys are all up for awards. Sir Paul Macca's going to be getting a lifelong pat on the back (makes a change from arguing over who'll get the fondue set) and... and... Lucy Cotter will be there at Earl's Court to whet your appetite. It's live on ITV1 you see.

 

So - there's a real range of real news for you.

 

We reckon you should join us at SIX.

 

Ben & Katie.

 

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 19th February

Afternoon everyone,

Just been chatting with one of our highly esteemed colleagues on the ITV National news team - winner of numerous awards who's worked on many of the biggest stories that have changed our world, both in Britain and abroad. Well, he's shaved his moustache off. Had it there, nestling on his top lip, for over 30 years and he's just got rid. All sorts of reasons apparently - one of which was his beloved asking him to lose it. Would you believe then that for 15 minutes afterwards - chatting etc round the family home - she didn't even notice? Not that we're pointing any fingers - we all do it - look at things without really seeing them. Think I might grow a little beard for this evening's programme and see if the editor notices.

No doubt she'll be too wrapped up in our programme which, tonight, my friends is full to bursting.

You know how we all bang on about 'the youth of today' and how they're drinking too much. Well, tonight we have some pictures to prove it, with the results of a survey which suggest our pictures aren't a one-off - in London at least. And I've been talking to one of THE experts who can warn some of our younger viewers about what could be happening to their livers.

We'll also have another, very different, warning for you. Your local post office may be about to close. The bosses have announced that one in five in the London area is going to shut. So, that'll be convenient when you want to renew your car-tax then...  As well as our report, there'll be a full list of those 'in danger' on www.itvlocal.com/london.

And we've another story to get your blood boiling. Cyclists -  always going through red lights aren't they? Straight across zebra crossings. Mounting pavements.
Well, now some of our two-wheeled warriors have the video evidence which shows THEY'RE not always treated with the greatest care and attention on the roads either.

After all that, Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman should also be joining us live from Leicester Square and Ned Boulting will be pitch side in Athens ahead of Chelsea's Champions' League.

So...

See you at six.

Ben and Katie

 

London Tonight Tonight Monday 18th February

Good afternoon.
I must start by apologising for a break in service at the end of last week. It was an electronic failure rather than human oversight: whether, like 'El Dorado', the programme was cancelled or,  like Beatrix Potter, the mouse got above itself, I do not know. But I am sorry and I promise normal service will now resume. But I could be lying. You cannot see my eyes nor can you hear my voice, both reliable indicators of veracity. But in Harrow, were you lying, not about an email but about your right to claim benefits, you might be caught out. Now they can not only hear your voice on the 'phone, they can also, with your, permission, run it through a lie-detector. As Delicious Dan the Director observed,"It's an invasion of privacy. If you refuse, you're banged to rights!". He is turning into the Poirot of the technical team, you know. Phil, who, like George Washington would admit to the smallest of failures in the name of honesty, is our man balancing the rights and wrongs of this one.

 
Ken has been balancing the rights and wrongs of the 3rd runway at Heathrow and went to the village of Sipson which will cease to exist if the 3rd runway gets the go ahead. He tipped his tiny carbon toe print in the water of electoral controversy to tell the good people he doesn't think it should go ahead. Piers is the man with the orange ping-pong bats, bringing the jumbo jet of London politics safely to his docking gate.

Dramatically arriving by air from Australia, a witness who has fascinating things to tell the murder trial of Sally Ann Bowman's alleged killer. Ronke treads carefully through the legal minefield and will you be amazed.
Equally amazed, if not even more amazed, the man in row 12 at the English National Opera who, on seeing the lead tenor go sick thought  "I can do that". It is like a cultural version of Roy of The Rovers as a promising lad is plucked from the stands to score the winning goal in the FA Cup Final. Metronome to the ready and baton in hand, Damien leads you to a crescendo of amazement.

Amazed you will also be as G4 becomes G1. Jasmine meets another terrific singer who has decided not to step into great shoes but to do his own thing.
Doing her own thing, because it is Monday, is Louisa. London property prices, volatility and what you can and can't believe in the papers.

London's front pages, most of which you can believe, and Chrissie's weather which, of course, you can always believe, round it all off.
Unless, of course, I am lying again. There has been an odd beeping sound during most of this last few minutes and my polygraph has been doing it's Zorro thing. And me, a good law abiding citizen or, at least, I thought I was.

We hope you'll be there when we have finished our breathing exercises, warmed up our vocal chords, and begin our own operetta which is London Tonight, at 6.

Alastair, the Wagner man and Nina, the Puccini belle.

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 13th February

Good afternoon.

Joe Stalin and Mikhail Gorbachev both came from Georgia - not the US back-water, east of Alabama and north of Florida, but the former grain basket of the old Soviet Union. Odd place, Georgia, with dodgy and dangerous politics. So if you've made a bob or two (billions, in truth!) and have unsuccessfully run in an election against the ruling President, you'd probably feel considerably more secure in leafy Leatherhead. That is what Badri Patarkatsishvili thought too, until late last night when he died. Heart attack? Poison? The cops won't know until tomorrow but they are treating it as a suspicious death. So are we, given his friendship with Russian oligarch and fellow billionaire Boris Berezovsky - he was convinced some of the shadowy brigade were running for him.
Ben plays John Le Carre to our Cagney and Lacey.

Lacy curtains were ruffled when Mr Plod came a-calling at a big house in Willesden this morning. It was their JCB versus the baddy's Ferrari. Plod couldn't even find a door such was the security. So what were they looking for, what did they find, and what would it have fetched on the street? Jaw dropping stuff with Sangeeta sounding her sirens and flashing her blues and twos.

I wonder what the post code on that street in Willesden was? If Boris becomes Mayor we can all know without having to trouble Posty. What is more, we'd know if it had "form" - like a criminal record, if a street can have such a thing. Would you want to live there? Would you buy there? Would you want to move? How grateful to Boris would you be? Or not? Harris sends the answers to you, First Class post, at 6.

The Editor in Chief has just pledged to solve the lack of Snicker bars in the canteen. Nina popped down to get the tea as we missed the trolley because we were planning the above mentioned lot with the delicious Faye -(turtle neck grey pencil dress plus ferocious, pointy-toed boots today) and The Big Boss. Ed in Chief said he would "leave no Snicker bar unturned" in his efforts to solve my problem. But if there are no snicker bars, he can't turn or unturn them, can he? Am I led by lions or donkeys?

Out-smarting the donkeys at London Zoo, a lovely new baby monkey called "Vale" - pronounced Varlay not Vale, as in drawing one over things.

Jodie Kidd draws back the veil on London fashion week and we all scream "Galliano"  at how well some of the fashion students from London are doing in the big, bad, beautiful world of haute couture.

A male master of all that is Robin who, dapper as a row of Saville Row suits, will tonight sip champagne and then give a weather forecast. Depending on the size of the glass it could be accurate or you could be in Bali for all you'd know! Ken got cross at question time and these two observations are in no way connected...

Nor are the front pages of the London papers though they sometimes have, in direct contradiction of the edicts of capitalist competition, the same lead story. It is as bad as the Old Soviet Union. Damn.

 

Now I'll have to watch my back all the way home.

Alastair & Nina.

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 12th February

Good afternoon.

I read in a magazine, last night, that a classic Ferrari went at auction recently to a Londoner for over £5 million. My ten year old son believes his life would be complete and his earthly calling met if, one day, he owned a Bugatti Veron - cost c.£1 million. And, first thing this morning, one of my favourite bosses told me he was leaving his modest family car at the railway station in future, and coming into work on the train because the congestion charge plus parking was costing about £200 a month. So, what Ken has done, so far, to the costs of motoring in and around the capital is changing some people's habits whilst leaving others with their exhaust-pipe dreams in tact.
We have, today, been wrestling with Ken's latest foray into our highway habits: a £25 congestion charge for band G cars - they range from old polluters, via big old conventional people-carriers, to his arch-enemy - the diesel guzzling, 4X4 Chelsea tractor. At the same time, 68 types of car will now go free. So, is it a congestion charge or a carbon foot-print imposte? And, for every big old guzzler that is forced into the great parking lot in the sky, how many funny little, tree-hugger-mobiles will slip onto the roads in their place? Is more better? Does size matter? Is it a coincidence that he promised £400 million to help cyclists, just yesterday? We will ask him some of these things live in the studio tonight.

We won't, tonight, ask him about drink - let alone drugs. But we would ask Dwain Chambers about drugs, if he was in the studio. But he won't be because he is too busy training, having just been selected for the UK Athletics team despite the fact that UK Athletics didn't want him and despite the fact that he was, in the past, a proven drug abuser. Jon is on the starting blocks to make sense of this odd example to put before our young 2012 hopefuls.

Not hoped for but certain, are death and taxes according to Ben Franklin. Taxes have long been held in contempt by many who pay them, but not so death. That is changing according to a traditional East End undertaker who has a black, glass-sided coach, plus four in hand. His is a worrying yet fascinating story.

Rambo is just a worrying story which the delicious Lucy is very unsure about. She'll tell you why at 6. Sly Stallone, you have been warned: don't mess with Ms Cotter.

Dan, our handsome Director, is chewing gum at the moment and She Who Must Be Obeyed, Ms Faye, (delightful in trousers and an oddly stylish top today,) is chanting "Mastication for the nation" in a sort of Jamaican accent.
It reminds me of a joke involving a judge and a defendant but we are not yet past the 9 o'clock watershed so I will leave it there.

Robin is still waxing eloquent about his fog pictures from yesterday and what a glorious, crisp spring day it has been: poet or meteorologist, the boy will make words sing for you at 6.

The London papers will still be on Macca and Mucca's case plus whatever sells copies - can't blame them: the mega-rich paper owners still have to eat and, after today, pull a little more from their gilt-edged piggy banks to pay for bringing that Roller or Ferrari in from the suburbs, or even across Kensington.
I know, your heart isn't quite bleeding but we all have to share this place, so live and let live.

See you at 6 and then we're all walking home.

Alastair and Nina.

 

London Tonight Tonight Monday 11th February

Good afternoon.

Camden looks, today, like it hasn't looked since the blitz. Our heart-felt sympathies go out to the people of that fine borough whose businesses were threatened by fire or went up in smoke at the weekend. Glen will trawl through the aftermath as the Fire and Rescue people continue to explore what caused such physical devastation. The only blessing is that no-one was hurt.

However, in a cruel twist of fate, a bus was on an unusual route this morning only because of the fire. It struck a railway bridge, shearing the roof off and leaving six people injured, one of them seriously. We will hear from one of the lucky survivors who was upstairs when the railway bridge treated the omnibus like a can of sardines. Emma guides you through this tale of the unexpected.

A dear old lady who once made frocks for the Queen had already lived to a ripe old age when she smelt smoke: not from Camden but from the family business above which she lived in Plaistow. Tragically she wasn't fleet of foot enough to escape and she died. But the tragedy morphs when we tell you who set the fire and why. Ronke mixes Family Fortunes with Murder She Wrote, for this one.

After that lot you may need a little light relief so, on your bikes for the next one. Ken plans to spend a half a billion pounds making life for London's 'pedallers' more pleasant. Car drivers and lorry drivers, pens to the ready: we want your reactions as well as the happy musings of the push-bikers. But why Ken is talking about Cycle "Motorways", I have no idea. Isn't the "motor" bit precisely what it is NOT about? I'll squeeze my clips so tight I'll lose circulation, along with the will to live!

But then my spirits soar as I am told we have a guest on the show who is the equivalent of Uma Thurman about ten years ago: young, beautiful, talented and about to take movie-goers by storm. She's already done a string of promising bit-parts and is only 21 years old. But this year, alongside a Who's Who of Hollywood A listers, she has no less than 5 movies coming out. Her name is Amber Heard and, no, I hadn't heard of her either. But I am assured by Max, the maestro of all things entertainment, I will and you will very soon. Join us and make your own minds up.

The above was real and not just hot-air from an ageing air-head. And there will be no hot air from London's first zero carbon house, either, which goes head to head with the world's design maestros in a global competition tonight. Solar power, and other renewables, make life in it a carbon free dream, I am assured. Damien is our tree-hugger.

Whether global warming was a factor or not, I do not know, but London was swathed in the most beautiful fog this morning and, if you missed it, we have the pictures to prove it. We also have, in Robin, the weatherman to explain why and, perhaps, predict some more.

Tune in to find out, then an early bed for you and up with that camera, at first light.

See you at six.  

Alastair and Nina.

   

London Tonight Tonight Friday 8th February

Good afternoon. Friday. Terrific. Salma has left two cups of tea and a Snicker bar for me. Short of winning the Eurolottery and booking one-way tickets to my private nirvana, what more could a chap want?
Lighting, on Waterloo Bridge, perhaps.
Most nights I go over it to escape the madness of the metropolis and am usually on the phone to my dear Dad. Fair to say then that I've never noticed the state of street lighting on the bridge. Nor have I ever sunk so low as to have nothing better to think about than which Borough or City authority is responsible for changing the lightbulbs when they fail. Tonight, we talk to the cyclist who nearly had an accident, blamed the bad lighting, took an age to find out who was responsible, and grew angry as it took even longer for the responsible party to do anything about it. We hope to have put a spring in their step for the future.
Spring. My favourite season. As the Good Book says, "to everything, there is a season". But not anymore according to the pruners and weeders of Kew. We have, it seems, misplaced some of the natural geometry of the year: summer and winter have merged into one hot-cool climactic morass. I am saddened and want to learn more. I think you may, too. So let us both join Marcus, our very own Capability Brown, down among the floribundas.
Most elderly people love floribundas and all manner of flowering lovelies. They also like the right to a safe and secure life. And when their relatives judge that a private nursing home, perhaps replete with a garden, is the safest place to secure contentment, they have every right on God's earth to expect it. You will share in my anger and incredulity when Nick unwraps the story of one elderly gent who, like his family, thought he was safe and well.
As, I am sure, did the families in Bromley, two years ago, think they were safe and well until subsidence put part of their homes several feet lower in the ground than it had been, moments before. Bits of wall also seemed to wander off, up the road. It was uninhabitable. The local council were, no doubt, too busy checking on lightbulb responsibilities to do much to help. Eventually, we have good news for them and Phil, our man on loan from Pickfords, wants to share it with you.
Salma has been talking to Nic Cage as , you may recall, Katie talked to Jeff Goldblum last night. I have been talking to the Editor. Something is going on here. What is more, Salma sent me an e-mail at 10.05 AM (yes, that is 10:05 this morning) TELLING me she "bagsied" doing What Not to Miss. I'll tell you what I want not to miss: the chance to conduct an occasional interview with a star. Not much to ask for a man of my experience, charm and contacts. But, No. I am seeing my agent and my lawyer this weekend. The powers that be and Ms Siraj have been warned.
"There will be blood" is both a prediction of the outcome of my meetings with the powers that be, and the title of one of the films James will review for you. The other is Juno which I thought was a space probe but apparently it is a movie, too. I'll be glued, though I can't speak for you.
But I know you will be glued to our weather forecast and possibly to the papers: do those headlines make you rush out and buy a copy, or go online, or wonder why anyone would bother reading it in the first place?
I have often wondered.

As I have about the genuine level of interest in sport news, unless it involves Lewis Hamilton. So, park-up, slip into neutral, and enjoy our 30 lap grand prix tour of the capital's news and features. Chequered flag falls at six and waves excitedly again at 6.30.
No pit stops to distract.

We are revved up and ready to go.

Alastair and Salma.

 

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 7th February

Good afternoon.

 

I favour what we call builder's tea - PG Tips, hot water and milk. Some take Earl Grey - which I think is probably PG tips with aftershave spilt in it. It is named after the Earl Grey who, as Foreign Secretary on the eve of the First World War, famously said in that sad circumstance: "All over Europe, the lights are going out. We shall not see them on again in my lifetime".
I mention this only because I fear something similar may be going through the Mayor's mind. Critics to the left of him, accusers to the right. It is still all about public money, the London Development Agency, Lee Jasper and an array of groups set up to do great things, but some of which appear to have done little beyond spending the afore-mentioned money.
"Alleged", "said to be" and all the other legal caveats are important and relevant but it is inching towards critical mass with a grand grilling of Ken at City Hall tonight. We'll be there live with Glen cast in the role of Lord High Executioner.

One group that gets public money and seems effective on many measures is the Operation Trident Unit of the Met. They were set up to combat black on black crime in which there has been a perceptable reduction, although there is still far too much of it. Their latest work in progress features Ronke and we think it may make her a star. Buy your popcorn and take a seat for the premiere tonight at 6.

Not a premiere but even better in some ways is Katie's encounter with Jeff Goldblum. She has just returned, said the interview runs far too long, but is peppered with more mots justes than a South Bank Show. He is also a lovely chap who plays jazz piano and Katie has just added, "I may not take calls from my husband this afternoon. I am sold". I didn't even know there was an auction and would surely have out-bid Goldblum, Jurassic Park royalties or not. I am a man of means who defends his fortune by drinking cheaper tea than most.

I will splash out, however, on jasmine tea in a Chinese restaurant, a form of food of which I am very fond. Why my pleasures and those of millions of others in our great capital may be curtailed will be explained by Damien. And all this in the Year of the Rat? Ominous.
As is the Chinese ability to excel at, of all things,  ping-pong. Darius, who I think you will remember from the distant London Tonight past, is determined to change that on their home soil, and on the world stage. Tempted by that? Thought you might be.

Get it all plus Chrissie on the riverbank and the papers before they end up in the cat tray.

And it is all free if you are there at 6.

We will be.
Alastair & Katie

 

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 6th February

Good afternoon.

The Toyota Prius is a remarkable car. It can run on batteries or petrol, depending on the speed of the car and the road conditions. For all I know, it can sprout wings and soar, bird-like, across the skyline of our wondrous city. One was parked a little far from the kerb outside our studios, just now, and the driver of a Black Cab launched into a rant at the driver of the miracle motor. I thought it was about to morph into a boxing ring, which could prove helpful as a celebrated boxing club in the capital could soon ring time for the final round due to a lack of funds. Ben, in a smart white shirt and clip-on bow-tie, has the story.

Also morphing today, yards of black and yellow sticky tape as used by the police to mark out a scene of crime. Add an oil drum and other bits of debris and, as all you connoisseurs of modern art will know, you have a statue. To me, it looks like the head of Kendo Nagasaki, a Kent Walton wrestling idol from the 60s, but I am told it's supposed to be the first wife of a former dictator. Should you have retained the will to live, Damien will do his Brian Sewell impersonation at 6. Among his experts, he says is NOT a boring man in a grey suit but a very interesting man... in a grey suit, from the Council.

Bet there weren't many grey suits when Southend Council spent 37 grand on a staff knees-up. Think how many party-poppers and bottles of Pimms you could get for that little lot. Shame the Council is 17 million in the red. Tim Evans has taken the rate-payers final demands to the Town Hall, demanding an explanation.

No explanation for the woman who was pushing her disabled nephew across a road, only to be cut down by a bendy bus. She had crossed on a red light but we have the CCTV which suggests the driver must have seen her, and begs the question why he didn't do more to stop? Tamsin talks to the sister of a woman who survived but can no longer speak, let alone think, for herself.

Lots of thinking in the mind of Sally Anne Bowman's boyfriend who argued with the beautiful young model just hours before she was brutally murdered. Too many "what-ifs" to even contemplate.

My 14 year old son says Jimi Hendrix was the greatest ever guitarist. I am old enough to have seen Jimi Hendrix and my boy may have a point. That drink and drugs precluded Jimi becoming even greater is one of popular culture's many tragedies. A fabulous photographic celebration of a psychedelically troubled life, with Liz's finger on the shutter button.

Chrissie is terrified of birds and, because I still feel cold, we have sent her out to spend time with some this evening. To ruffle her feathers further (try to say that out loud) she will be forced to explain how you can attract them to your city garden, feed them up, and tempt the little lovelies to breed and produce even more. How cruel are we?

All of that plus London's front pages which will have been printed before we go on air and means you start with the latest news and end with stuff of a certain age.
But that is life, is it not?

Got my chocolate today, as you may have guessed.

See you at 6.
Alastair and Katie.

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 5th February

Good afternoon.

We have nothing but deep sympathy for the family of Sally Ann Bowman. You will probably remember the name. You will certainly remember the photos. Blond, elegant and beautiful, she was on the threshold of a modelling/singing career which would have made her proud parents even prouder. Someone brutally burst that bubble of hopeful expectation in a hideous and callous fashion, the detail of which a jury had to sit through today. Mum said she couldn't. We report on the opening day of the case against the man police believe cut short a lovely young life.
The man's guilt or innocence will, rightly, be determined by a jury. His lawyers will do their best to defend him, rightly so.

It is to be hoped there was no eavesdropping on the private conversations between the man and his lawyers because, in any system, that would be as wrong as listening to a private conversation between an MP and his constituent. Or a parole lawyer representing a man convicted, 40 years ago of killing 3 cops. Emma will explain why all of us should be angry and cautious: it seems there are more active bugs in the hands of police and security forces in London today than bugs on a blossoming rose bush. May the "buggers" wilt with shame.

Bob Crow feels no shame in calling for strikes to stop the entire Underground: there are 9 issues, Robin will explain, which Bob wants settled and he tells her that he believes after the Mayoral elections this May, his members will be left to go to hell in a hand-cart. It might be quicker than the Northern Line, come March!

The Australians have marched all over the sensitivities of the good people of Staines. "Sod Staines" they scream in a tasteless advertising campaign claiming the glories of Adelaide. Adelaide? An unattractive daughter of Queen Victoria? A city full of Australians? My point, I think. And what has Staines ever done to offend anyone? Ali G? David Brent? These are gifts from God to a grateful nation, nay grateful world. Adelaide vs Staines? Liz is our referee and, given her daughter lives down under, she will be fair. Too fair, I fear.

Films should be fairer to the environment according to Ken Livingstone, Emma Thompson and Alistair McGowan. Not sure I hear Hollywood squealing, but Jasmine may have heard more...

You'll have heard of W.C.Fields, a great American comedian. He had, on his gravestone, these telling words: "Frankly, I'd rather be in Philadelphia". Today many of our American cousins, from the fat cat bankers in Canary Wharf, to the back-to-front baseball hat brigade of LSE and UCL, might well echo his words, if they are 18 or over. It is Super Tuesday, the day when America takes a giant step toward deciding who they want to contest the US Election in November. And there are so many Americans Abroad that they are known as the 51st State, producing 22 delegates, or about 1% of the total needed to win the nomination.

So, it really matters, and Ben will capture the excitement. But, I hope, neither eat too many hotdogs nor down too many Buds. He has also met up with the man who must be regretting busting up with his wife more than most at the moment: she is Barak Obama's sister and he is now her ex-husband. Big mistake; as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman. But he is funny and interesting. A super Super Tuesday report  from Mr Scotchbrook.

Indeed, a super programme from all of us for all of you.

What more could you want bar Chrissie and the papers? I'll throw them in too, at no extra cost.

See you at 6

Alastair and Katie.

London Tonight Tonight Monday 4th February

Good afternoon.

I was engaged in deep conversation with Faye who is back from a brief break and in charge, once again, of this ship of State. I share that with you in passing, to make the point that I missed the tea-trolley: Robin kindly got me a cup of tea but, alas, no-one got me my almost statutory bar of chocolate. Time moves on and I am trapped at my desk so if I seem a little slower than normal it is not age but a lack of confectionary stimulant.
I think, however, that the adrenalin rich prospect of Ken on the sofa will put that right and it won't add to my waistline. Katie and I look forward to an enlightening conversation with your Mayor and, given, May 1st creeps ever closer, here will be another chance for you to form, re-form or re-cast your view of the man who would be Mayor for another 4 years.

 

By which time the leak in Marylebone will surely have been repaired. TfL apologised: it was their lot that did it. Great pictures but serious inconvenience for the good people who live and work there.

 

Lewis Hamilton, who drives exotic race cars faster than anyone apart from a Scandinavian with a silly name, went to work to gear up for the next F1 season which opens next month. Work was practice in Spain: Spain is where the arch-rival he successfully dispatched last year, hails from and is a country which embraced fascism for some little time half a century ago. You'd have thought they would have got over both facts but the behaviour Glen reports at Lewis' practice runs may leave you worried that, in the larger of the two Iberian nations, memories are long and unsavory.

 

Faye, by the way, was in the Caribbean for a wedding and it shows. I, on the other hand, am cold - denied chocolate and cursed with flagging spirits.

I turn to Chrissie for some compassion and good news; I turn to the papers with no hope of good news nor compassion, so I throw myself at the feet of this running order in firm and constant belief we have crafted another uplifting and enlightening piece of work.

 

Hope so, or the powers that be will send Faye away again, with Katie and me in tow  - that might be our only way of getting to the Caribbean. No, your interests come first, dear viewers: honest!

 

See you at 6.

 

Alastair & Katie.

 

London Tonight Tonight: Friday 1st February

Good afternoon.

The Big Boss is back from ill-health. Hurrah, we bellowed and it echoed to the rafters. Yesterday and Wednesday, my dear friend Ken, the man who knows more than you need to know about West Ham, was in charge and did a fine job I hope you will agree. One problem. Ken is not as familiar with our electronic means of communications as is The Big Boss. While the BB can put Bill Gates to shame, Ken still thinks Clive Sinclair and Alan Sugar are responsible for the Best Buys on the Shelf... that is why you didn't get your regular dose of our London Tonight Tonight ramblings : apologies.

No apologies for tonight's show: Nick reports on the nasty piece of work who couldn't wait for his inheritance so just took it, even though it put his dear mum at severe risk. Two things we think will hold you glued to our show are exactly what he did at his mum's expense and the amount of jail time the Courts thought would be appropriate to punish him. You will want to take up our invitation, me thinks, to express your views, electronically. Ken, on a day off, may drop us a line and pop it in the post.

Popped in the post, some fifty or sixty years ago, were the first ever "flat-pack" houses and, by air mail, they winged their way to Africa. Why and where they were found, riddled with bullets, and where, precisely, they have ended up back here in London, will have your eyes on springs, I'm sure. Damian is our man of international intrigue at IKEA.

No intrigue over our compelling fest of emotionally and artistically rewarding things you may chose from to do this weekend. Salma says "Possession is nine tenths of the Law" and she has changed the locks on the file marked What Not to Miss. It may be my age but I have given up.

Just starting out is David Jordan. He has talent, he has a world-famous hit producer working with him and he is managed by one of the true giants of the last thirty years of pop music. Who they are and why he is going to be massive, with Nick.

Probably not massive will be the film Underdog about which Salma expressed the sort of degree of interest I have caught in my children's eyes when they know it is time to visit the dentist. Cloverfield, on the other hand, could chill you to satisfied oblivion. Why not join us for James' take on them:Salma may be wrong - but who am I - isolated, ignored and undervalued- to say?

When it was planned, approved and constructed, many said the Thames Barrier might prove to be isolated, an eyesore and over-valued. It's backers proved them all wrong when, 25 years ago today, it swung into action less than a year after it's completion and a year before it's formal, Regal opening. Chrissie sings it;'s praises and explores if it will be needed this weekend - I think it would make a terrific wind-break!

We open at 6.

See you there, I hope.

Alastair and Salma... ( love her, really.)