Good afternoon.
I have been away for a couple of days which I hope you have noticed and, in some ways, regretted.
I am back which I hope you will notice, at 6, and in no way regret.
Jonathan Woodgate may be regretting what he said about moving South to play for the cockerel crowd at White Hart Lane. Southern hearts, methinks, will not go out to this Northerner who has secured a weekly wedge not unadjacent to three times the average industrial wage only to moan about house prices down here. He reckons you could get three penthouses "oop North" for the cost of a family home "doon 'ere". I didn't think they had penthouses in Middlesbrough, let alone three of them. Hey ho: Damien put on his shin pads and went for a natter.
Owing us considerably more than "a natter" are the strange folk at Camden Council who don't seem to see that there might be a problem with allowing Council workers to take away the belongings of tenants who die with no known living relative. Apparently they aren't allowed to sell the stuff - (oh really) - and it helps cut costs. We are shocked and have sent Glen to seek an explanation.
The people living in and around the Lea Valley are seeking more than an explanation about the pre-2012 greening of their valley. Hold your noses and wash your hands as Phil explains why they think it is more a case of " how brown is my valley" ! Not "Phew! Wot a Scorcher" but "Poo! Wot a Scorcher".
Our director, Nick is a respected animal lover and most of us are with him on that. Faye, (stunning today in a tailored white blouse, raunchy pin-stripped jacket and "distressed" jeans), recently 'lost' one of her beloved kittens only to celebrate, just yesterday, her safe return, is on Nick's side; as am I, who accepted not one but two cats from Phil when his widowed neighbour passed away leaving Mimi and Chloe potentially homeless. So, imagine our collective fury when we read about the yobs who take pleasure from taking pot-shots at cats and kittens with their air-rifles. Piers has our full, albeit illegal, permission to retaliate in words but not in weapons - more's the pity.
Do you pity people who have aircraft flying over their homes? Are you just such a victim? Ought something to be done or do you live miles from any flight path and don't care who you disturb as you wing it to the Costas or Florida? Opinion is divided, the powers that be are promising changes, and Martin is our man at air traffic control trying to avert a mid-air collision between these conflicting arguments.
Capable of settling all arguments is the genius that is Sir John Mortimer, learned barrister, brilliant author and peerless raconteur. He is with us tonight. I just wonder how a man blessed with such intellectual prowess can also be blessed with a beautiful and talented daughter, the delicious Emily?
Perhaps she'll come with Sir John?
I can't wait to find out.
You, alas, must... until 6.
Chrissie's weather for the prosecution, London's papers with the defence - it's just like Rumpole!
"Order in court" and in the studio, beginning at 6.
See you there.
Alastair & Nina.
