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Friday 20th June

Friday 20th June

Good afternoon.

Ever lost your luggage on a flight? When I went to Lebanon, a while ago, my bags went to Cyprus. I am sure they had a better time than I did. I politely asked BA to pay for the clothes I purchased, in lieu, and they were very happy so to do. There were impressed I had found a Ralph Lauren outlet in war-torn Beirut but a boy's got to do what a boy's got to do.

Not a swear word crossed my lips but if it had I would have had to write that I said how " ******* " angry I was with the " ******** " because I couldn't write the actual words down.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* is the number of " * 's" I'd need to tell you what Naomi Campbell said to BA and to the Police when she went berserk on a BA flight when told they'd lost her luggage. I am thinking how we will tell you what she says when she gets her sentence! Glen has his ear-muffs in and is waiting expectantly on the shocked Magistrates.

If Naomi was a gangsters moll rather than a queen of the catwalk, those prepared to give evidence against her might have sought protection in the form of a fake identity or even the disguising of their voices. Well, according to the Law Lords, Britain's most senior judges, their evidence would have been invalid because it would have been unfair on Naomi and her defence lawyers. Apply that to the cases against some of the gang wretches who knife and shoot our youngsters and you have a very serious problem. Marcus is looking at the impact of the ruling on the fight against crime among London's gangs and what the Government may have to do to give the cops and the accused a level playing field that respects our collective desire for justice and security.

My eldest son once observed that Battersea Power Station looked like an inverted billiards table. He's like that and studies medieval english poetry. I always think of it in terms of the cover of Pink Floyd's little known and somewhat under-rated "ANIMALS" album. Salma embarked on a far too detailed synopsis of "SUPERMAN III" instead of just saying it featured in the film. Many of us nodded off only to awaken from our slumbers to hear that she was still on Kryponite, 'phone boxes and tight Y-fronts. Odd woman: I don't know what it is about her - and she's arranged for me to meet Keira Knightly again at precisely 4.25 which is when we record What Not To Miss. Like a Catholic confronted by Dover Sole on a Friday, I am in turmoil.

Meantime, James will tell us what he thinks of Keira's latest master-piece - or mistress-piece, perhaps. I have no doubt she and Sienna deserve every award from the Oscar, via the Pulitzer to the Nobel but will await his objective appraisal at 6. He is also talking about ESCAPIST about which I know nothing so we will learn together.

Jimmy Cliff is a giant of popular music. What I didn't know until The Big Boss told me was that he is also the man who discovered Bob Marley. Yes, Bob Marley. That is like being the man who discovered penicillin but in a musical way. Or split the atom but with that unique upbeat, reverse tempo that is reggae. Impressed? I am "******* " overwhelmed.

And then there's Biggins, Mr Marmite of the London stage. I have to say I am a huge fan and like him as a friend since he worked with my wife on a kids programme years ago. He is helping launch West End Live. On no he's not, I hear you joke. Well he is and he's not behind you, he's with us live at 6.

I think this show has the makings of being a masterpiece. And not a " * " will pass my lips or Salma's unless she's snuck one into WNTM in which case I'd sack her if I were TBB.

See you at 6.