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London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 16th July

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 16th July

Good afternoon.

I wonder if Faye, who is elegantly delicious in a pink top and charcoal grey trousers today, is related to George III ? Both display all the symptoms of madness and both appear to have a curious interest in animal husbandry. In George's case it was pigs. With Faye it is bees. In the brilliant film "The Madness of King George" there is a wonderful scene when two footmen are so fed up with collecting the contents of the Regal Guzzunder, that they threaten to resign. One says "I am going to open a greengrocer with my friend, Mason". The Master of the Household asks his name and he says "Fortnum, sir". Well, their heirs and successors have managed to persuade Faye that they have erected bee-hives on their roof and will, ere long, be marketing London Honey. "What", I asked, " about the pollution?". "They'll get pollen from Hyde Park. It's only a minute's "buzz- buzz" away. Honest!". She chortled loudly, as is her wont, and the Big Boss, a fan of health foods and quite forgiving of Faye, dispatched Glen to investigate. I don't know if he'll get vertigo on the roof of F&M but he can always squeeze into the hives for a close-up look. I'll certainly be watching and hope you will be, too.

Patience Wheatcroft used to be the editor of the Sunday Telegraph but, more recently, was asked by Boris to take a close-up look at the books of the LDA - variously described as a catalyst for London's improvement or, entirely wrongly and possibly actionably, as the former Mayor's chequebook for his buddies. She found not fraud but mind-numbing ineptitude. So what does Bozza do now? Harris is buzzing around the story with a vengeance - more hornet-like than honey-bee-esque, in my view but I think he'll yield a comb-ful of fascinating facts which you can lick from your fingers at 6.

Then you'll have to wash your hands. For a couple living in Islington that could involve simply wiping their hands across their walls because, according to Fruitcake Faye, those walls are "like sponges". It's all about leaks that are five years old and the Council's attempts to pull the lagging over the eyes of their tenant who, unfortunately for them, is a builder who knows how quickly repairs can be done even if, for fee-paying clients, he doesn't always go quite that quickly. We are, nevertheless, On His Side, and Ronke dons the hard-hat on our behalf and brings you the resolution, we hope. My doubts are well-founded.

She may or may not get much out of the Council when she makes her enquiries, you see, because London, like the rest of the country, is locked in Day One of a Two Day strike by public sector workers. Bins left unemptied, Teachers left un Assitant-ed, libraries devoid of people saying "Shush" when you whisper to your friend you've found that elusive Doris Lessing tome. Anyway, if the switchboard lot are out too, Liz's report may be a little one-sided but she's a great journalist so I am sure she'll manage.

Robin promises not to mention St. Swithun for another year and the papers will be full of protestors and more, I am sure. We'll share.

Finally, Katie as you have never seen her before. I , for one, wouldn't miss that and I am pretty confident I won't be alone in that.

Not so much "buzz-buzz" as "boom-boom".

See you at six.

Alastair and the Vixen of the Upper Sixth.