Good afternoon, a little later than normal for which I apologise.
But not as late as the massive civil engineering project that Mr Brown promises will arrive by 2017. A couple of American tourists, viewing Magna Carta , asked when it was signed. "1215", explained the guide. "Gee", said the American glancing at his watch, "We just missed it!"
The Boss had to explain to quite a few people that Crossrail wasn't due to arrive just minutes before twenty past eight this evening and those dear souls are now stacking non-biodegradeable coffee cups in the kitchen.
Simon Harris is our mole on this one and he is very excited. I have postponed my retirement but still wonder if it has any bearing on the timing of a General Election?
Talking of excitement, Salma has had to answer some dark and angry charges of cheating because, once again, it is she who has won (others are saying 'secured' or even 'stolen' ) the right to present What Not To Miss, your indispensable guide to diary filling for the weekend.
Licking his wounds and counting his blessing this weekend will be the PC from Farnham who flagged down a car on the A31 only to end up doing a passable impression of the Rolls Royce Spirit of Ecstasy on the front of it. He is OK but there is a bizarre twist to the saga: Phil is the man with the chamois leather.
Lip readers tune in for our coverage of Ian Wright's off-pitch activities that involve parking rather than passing.
And movie buffs unite: you have nothing to lose but your indecision as James takes you through the celluloid wonderland.
Chrissie says it'll be a lovely weekend. Is that the weather or has she got something naughty but nice planned? I don't know but will be as keen as you to find out at 6.
If you feel the need for a 'paper or three we'll have them too but don't forget WNTMiss - I'd have paper and pen at the ready for that!.
Salma and I await your judgement.
A & S