London Tonight Tonight

Good afternoon.
You need to sit down and take a glass of cold water. I have just emerged from our meeting in a state of shock.
Tonight we have a tale that makes Hannibal Lecture real, though without the chianti, to the best of my knowledge. No Clarisse either, nor her perfume to lighten the burden and waft sweet odours down the corridor of a high-security mental institution. And no pursuit of a copy-cat or Bill character emulating the brute; but, other than that, too much in common for comfort.
Convicted of a Kings Road murder, incarcerated, only to be released to do it all again whilst residing at a hostel. Reincarcerated only to do it again, inside. How? Why? What if again? We will tell you the sorry tale and ask these and other questions via the sound judgement of Emma who will make it tolerable at tea-time.
Bob Dylan wrote "Money doesn't talk, it swears". Many have said as much about some of the Russian oligarchs. But Roman Abramovich surely just wanted to buy an armada of super-yachts and the best football club in the UK, Europe and the world. With a cheque book the size of his yacht Ecstasea and bank vaults as deep at the seas she plies, Roman could do it, niet problema. So why has he got into hot water over a player few have heard of who was formerly with a club that doesn't trip off the tongue like AC Milan or Juventus? The plot is deep and dark as Lewis, a life-long Pontypridd supporter where succession rather than wealth determines the line-up, will reveal.
Gordon Brown took the Cabinet to the 2012 Aquadrome today. Did they sink or swim? Is David Miliband more of a Butterfly man than a Crawler? Can Tessa Jowell do synchronised swimming? And can anyone compete with the Chancellor of the Exchequer in the back-stroke? Phil donned the office speedoes and reveals.... no, tells, all.
The G20 protestors claimed no-one was in charge of the Met. "We are" said the Home Office. "We are, now", claims Kit Malthouse, referring to himself and Bozza to whom he is number two. Cuffs and batons to the fore, a bit of a dust-up is underway in the Met's manor. Ronke says "Evening all".
I liked Alan Cumming as Boris in "Golden-eye". It is a James Bond film and his character was a computer boffin not a Mayor of London though he kept saying "I am invincible" so I may be wrong about the Mayoral connection. Anyway Lucy has been talking to him. He was also very good in "Rob Roy" as a fey, n'ere do well who Liam Neeson gave a sound thrashing to in the name of Scots nationalism. I digress.
As have the native stock of lizards. Well, the sandy type, at least. Sally brings them back. Hope she wore rubber gloves and knows enough about evolution to grasp the dinosaur connection.
We finish with camel racing. Because we can.
This is the last time you will see me with Alex - the Oz, "Oswald"... Ms Hyndman. I hope you can glean from my previous ramblings and our performances together just how much I love, admire and cherish her. She is a star but a time comes in the affairs of men... and Australians, so we move on. I will miss her more than she knows but you might tell her when you see her at 6.
You'll see it in my eyes.
Alastair and Alex