London Tonight Tonight: Tuesday 29th January

Good afternoon.

I must apologise, again, for sneezing last night during our item on property with Louisa. I will do my best to avoid a repeat performance but, given how cold it has been, albeit precisely predicted by Chrissie, who knows. What I do know is that there is an unholy row brewing over our air - not the temperature but the quality and certain proposed efforts to rein in its deterioration. Next week sees the start of Ken's Low Emission Zone - and , even as you scoff "not me and my Mini" be warned: motorised caravans, motorised horse boxes, vans and lorries may all fall short of the Mayors ambitions for ecological purity and if that's you, it'll cost you 200 crisp ones for offending and five times as much if you don't cough. If it works you should, of course, be coughing less, but that is a separate issue.

Or is it?

We had a right old row with the man at TfL about what lay behind this plan: pollution? the environment? emissions? The resolution of this linguistic bit of arm wrestling will make some of you laugh but most of you turn a rich shade of puce. Simon will translate this Rosetta Stone of a piece of public policy. Cheques books to the ready and, if you haven't got your catalytic converter by now, you will be in a fug!

Go by foot, I hear many of you say. Therein may lie the rub, if you live in a certain part of Bromley. One man's fish may be another man's poison and one families crime-riddled foot-path may be another families peacefully rural route to school. Liz puts on a pair of sensible shoes in an effort to make sense of this conundrum.

Another conundrum has got one of our Tory MPs in serious trouble. Blessed with two bright sons, he put them on the parliamentary pay-roll as research assistants. The conundrum is this: can they legally be paid if they don't appear to have done much work? Who is to judge? Well PC Plod may have a peak at the worksheets and, in the meantime, David Cameron, the leader of the Conservative Party, has decided the MP in question, Old Bexley & Sidcup's Derek Conway, should spend even more time with his family whilst the matter is sorted out.

I suppose if he runs a bit short of the readies he could open a stall in a street market so long as he is not tempted to put parliamentary questions on his "for sale" sign: Derek never would, whilst others who did now grace our TV screens in a bizarre range of adverts and reality shows. What an odd world politics is. Anyway, street markets are under threat by the spreading cancer of, or ever helpful growth in, branded convenience stores: it all depends what you need at what time of the day and at what price, I guess. Glen says "Not 5, not 4, not 3 not 2... but about a minute and three quarters should add to your understanding. Sold to the man at the back!"

Should Glen, or perhaps I, on his behalf, say "And we'll throw in the youngest ever lad to be selected for the England Pool team!" he, or perhaps I, wouldn't be lying. He is with us too.

As is Chrissie, in a bright red coat today and looking lovely.

The papers - who knows - I got it wrong yesterday so let us leave it for idle speculation.

Never idle, the brilliant Ms Derham has been at the South Bank Show awards and will be bright eyed and brilliant, as ever, with me at 6.

She also says she'll bring the tissues.

See you at 6

Alastair & Katie

 

London Tonight Tonight: Mon 28th Jan

Good afternoon.

The relationship between "man", in the generic sense of "humanity", and dogs is a rich source of great stories and always has been. With Lassie, at one end of the spectrum, the funny yet knowing Snoopy in the middle, and the touching literary heights of Greyfriars Bobby at the other, they are tales which bring a tingle to the spine and a glint to the eye. So our tragic lead story, tonight, is especially hard to tell: a man is dead and his Rottweiller did it. What is less clear is whether this was an attack by a representative of a breed not known for placid self-effacement or a tragedy following an effort by the dog to rescue it's master following a heart attack or some other cause of collapse. Glen has our report and we invite your reflections.

Why should the crisis in global capitalism, fuelled by the collapse of the sub-prime mortgage market in America, have more people than is usual scurrying across Church roofs and striping them of lead? For the same reason that, as Northern Rock glides effortlessly towards the sidings of domestic banking, more and more trains are being delayed because someone has made off with the predominantly copper cabling. Still confused? Marcus and our special guest Jonathan Maitland will explain all.

No sensible explanation that we can think of will help you understand why yet another citizen has been slaughtered whilst asking some noisy kids to put a sock in it. Instead someone apparently put a knife in him. Tamsin has been talking to friends and family.

Gunzdown have been talking to, perhaps, some of the kids who do that sort of thing otherwise their mission is futile. Their ambition certainly isn't and the clue is in the groups names though they'll be just as pleased if you put Knivzdown, too. Ronke listens to their music and their message.

And here's a message for all of you who enjoyed High School Musical the TV show, the sound-track, the movie - now, at last, and in an entirely illogical order, we offer you High School Musical...The Musical!

Katie and her daughters assure me it makes perfect sense and is a perfect piece of entertainment. Jasmine gets down among the gifted youngsters to help you decide for yourselves; but, I must say, Katies little ones normally get this sort of thing right.

Which prompts me to remind you, Chrissie will have a weather forecast just before the London papers go crackers about the Securicor robbery in Kent and Jemima Khan protesting about a State visit. Only a guess.

It is Monday and I think this is a good start to the week. Hope you can stick with us for the whole week but do at least promise me you'll make a start with 30 minutes tonight at 6.

Alastair & Katie, a proud mother of talented kids with taste.

London Tonight Tonight: Fri 25th Jan

Good afternoon.

Windsor is one our most beautiful towns - that glorious expanse of parkland which is home to so many games of cricket in the summer and rugby in the winter; the silver green ribbon of the Thames, bringing high thoughts down river from Oxford and ferrying a sense of history to Runnymede and the RAF monument, and out to sea. And the delightful cobbled street winding up, past and around the ancient castle and favourite home of our Monarch. That it shares a postcode with Slough, which even the gentle Betjamin thought might benefit from a little Teutonic bombing, is a cause of disquiet to many of the townsfolk. Not sure what She thinks but Ronke may ask. If she does, it may be knowledge for you but the Tower for her.

Which would be a bad end to the week.

Being a Gooner, experiencing a death in the family, being promised your personal pension problem would be sorted out by Peter Hain - next week, and finding your lottery numbers had come up but your partner had forgotten to buy your ticket. That's a really bad week.

A glass of scotch, albeit for medicinal purposes, at 10am; being endorsed by the Prime Minister and the Leader of the House of Commons; no serious delays on the Northern Line and a global campaign launched to protect endangered salamanders.

That, for Ken Livingstone, should have been a good week.

We attempt, therefore, to explain tonight why he says it has been the worst week in his life. And we've news that should certainly cheer him as it should getting on for half of you, too. Glen does his Ken Dodd thing with his political tickle-stick.

Tickled almost to death are the brave boys of Havant and Waterlooville. I know: a south coast town in Hampshire coupled with a small community named to celebrate one of our finer moments of Anglo-French history and also in Hampshire, But many of the line-up of this until recently little known soccer team hail from The Smoke. And because they are poised for glory or heroic defeat we have embarrassed them. Bring on the scousers of the Kop, we cry: death or glory! Marcus The Gooner is our man on the A3, southbound.

West-bound from the capitol, an army of Walter Mittys, a brigade of self-dillusionists, wending their way to a Terminal that doesn't even open til March. But they do it with a purpose which will advantage most of us, one day. Mike Pearse is your trolley-dolly.

Far greater than a mere dolly is the magnificent talent that is Mary J Blige. Jagger is a huge fan so that's good enough for me. A story of musical genius and personal triumph over dark adversity: on all counts, a must, with the delicious Lucy in command.

In command and wielding his critical cut-throat is the close-cropped James King. Will he savage Sweeney Todd and take a barbers blade to The Savages? Paint your faces and don a big white apron at 6: it could get messy.

Any spillage, and we can mop it up with London's papers having first shared with you the headlines and send you off with that warm glow of contentment that only Chrissie can dispense.

I cannot bring myself to comment at any length on What Not To Miss as I have, like the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge , been outflanked - like the Allies at Dunkirk, been left high and dry - like Harold at the Battle of Hastings, taken a direct hit in the eye: "she" merely confirmed, via the Director, that "she" would prepare and present this Holy Grail of broadcast information. Think of me as Napoleon - not on St Helena, for there is no escape: I have been sentenced to my broadcasting Elba.

See how I manage to raise my spirits, or not, at 6.

Alastair and the one who must now be known as Salma the Serpent.

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 24th January

Good afternoon.

Oliver Twist is one of those defining stories - with the possible exception of A Tale of Two Cities, it is Dickens at his best and you've either read it, seen "Oliver!" the musical and/or the film and/or probably enjoyed one of the many, fine TV treatments . So when Faye, the Beautiful One who, as you know is in charge, said our lead story is a kind of "Oliver Twist" saga, all ears pricked up. When she said it made innocent criminals out of children as young as 4, having kidnapped them from eastern Europe, you could have heard a pin drop. You will be fixed at 6 and guided through the shock of it all by Glen, who in my mind is more an Artful Dodger than an Oliver.

Marcus, still recovering from his sacred Gooners trouncing at the hands of the Boys from White Hart Lane, vents his spleen on bus announcements. "Too many" you cried. "Here's the evidence", we reported a little while ago. "Not so", protested the blind of London who find them very helpful. TfL, who started it all, back pedalled and said it would pull many of them, only to annoy both the blind protestors and the fine-of-hearing who say there are still too many.
Marcus will wade in, Solomon-like, and threaten to chop the whole argument, metaphorically, in half.
He really is very grumpy.
Unlike the Big Boss who celebrated his birthday yesterday, at home. He brought cake in today which we all enjoyed. Except Faye. She must be a size 6 at the very most and is about to go on holiday to exotic, distant parts. She feared even a sliver of cake would diminish what, in my mind and her delightful husband's mind, flirts with perfection.
So I had two pieces. Hurrah.

I will plough on though, maybe less than animated on the bench, when we tell you about a story which sits somewhere between serious and hilarious. A huge pile of tarpaulins in Reigate, littered liberally with hay, hid an amazing thing. A thing that shouldn't have been there. Not a crooked man nor a horseman of the apocalypse - I can't tell you more save to say you will want to hear Damien's explanation of Reigate's Ructions.

Police dogs are often Alsatians. Alsatia is part of Germany even before Hitler got murderously confused about French Alsace-Lorraine. So, German police dogs would, of course, bark German. And not estuary Essex. Tell that to the Boys in Blue who patrol east of the City and north of the River. Raus raus rather than ruff ruff, I fear.

The mother of the lead singer of The Feeling has cerebral palsy and is in a wheel chair. I met her at a Scope charity event which he had kindly agreed to speak at. I know nothing of his music but I liked him a lot and was really impressed that one so young and so successful would not only remember his mum, but take time out of his meteoric rise to the top, to do something to help her and those who suffer like her. Lucy has been to talk to him about his music. I will listen to the tunes but will be thinking of his humanity. You can make your choice at 6 . Either way, he is a winner.

The London papers will, among other stories,  retain an interest in Peter Hain's resignation, unless he changes his mind. Chrissie will, I trust, attempt to warm us up with a good weather forecast or believable spin about Spring.
Either will do.
Salma is taking Katie's place tonight and, early on, asked if she might start work, even today, on tomorrow's What Not To Miss. I pointed out it was Thursday and that she had done it last week. And the week before. She smiled that melting smile and I fear I caved in. Or maybe, after two slices of the Big Boss' cake, I was only capable of an involuntary grin. Who knows. She's doing it. But I still think there is a plot, ploy or piece of professional hanky-panky going on here.

See you at 6.

Alastair & Salma, the one to be watched... me thinks!
 

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 23rd January

Good afternoon.
Looking down, a flock of seagulls might have thought they'd been pipped at the post by some marauding magpies if they swept over today's police pay protest. Uniforms were banned but twenty two thousand white baseball caps gave the same message "United we dress, divided we fall".
To the fore, Mayor Livingstone - not in custody but in solidarity with the boys and girls normally in blue but today in civvies. Sticking to the colour theme, Harris was musing over what Brown would have made of the white-headed, thin blue line. More of the Master's thoughts on it all at 6.

The sister of a friend of mine - who was given millions in trust from her hugely successful father - was a Buddhist, didn't approve of cash, and bought a plot of land to build a prayer garden. Planning permission was denied and when she was forced to sell she made even more money. God, and/or Buddha, have a sense of humour. Anyway, tonight we have the property developer who found an original piece of Banksy art on  a wall adjoining a bit of his land. It was in the way but, rather than flatten it, it appears he is spiriting it away. Question: is it his to "spirit" ? And, if the last Banksy wall went for over £200 k, what might our builder friend make? Damien grabs a pick and shovel to try to find out.

Katie and I have taken a pick and shovel to dig our way out of suggesting, last night, Spurs stood not a chance against the mighty Gooners. Oops. All five goals, several times over by way of penance, under the mighty boot of Jon.
And we do a David Mellor and don the Blues strip to muse over whether or not it might be an all London Carling Cup Final. Only the small issue of The Other Footballing Scousers, Everton, stands in the way.

Faye, more a netball or lacrosse babe, shed a tear at the preview of The Bucket List, Jack Nicholson's latest masterwork. We preview it and Jasmine is on the lookout for talent on the red carpet. Beware, Jasmine, if you hear "Here's Johnny!", run! Morgan Freeman is wandering around too, it seems, so all to play for at 6.

Papers, weather with Chrissie and our mighty newsbelt should see you safely from 6 to the Evening News with hardly the distraction of a cup of tea.

I've had two but I think I can last the course. Now for some chocolate.

See you at 6.

Alastair and Katie

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 22nd January

Good afternoon.
I am sorry if this is a little late but I had to pop out to get my hair cut - I know, not a lot there but it does require disproportionate care. There, in the chair before me, was Cecil Parkinson, now Lord Parkinson, one-time Chairman of the Tory party and matinee idol to a generation of blue rinse babes some little time ago.
He was, in his time, one of the great Tories.
Odd, however, that Ken should have chosen to compare himself to another great Tory in his fight back over allegations concerning his consumption of the demon drink.
Churchill drank to a degree which would have put an entire shoal of fish to shame. And he fought against the South African Boers. And he beat the Germans. And he used to be a Liberal. And he called his wife Piggy. And he was father to a noted alcoholic who became a less noted back-bench MP. When it comes to comparisons I guess you take your pick. How much Ken really has in common with Winnie is the subject of Glen's magnum opus.
Amy Winehouse has an unfortunate name, to say the least. Allegations of wrestling matches with the demon drink are also legion in her life and she is pretty upfront about them. Mention hard drugs and it all gets a little more difficult and delicate. So when a national red Top paper splashes images purporting to be dear Ms Winehouse, smoking crack cocaine, things get horrid. We ask an expert just how much trouble this brilliant singer is in with her health.

We also talk to the woman who knows she has problems with her life because she did time for them. But she has turned a corner and she shares that experience with others, including you, tonight.

The village of Harmondsworth shares with you it's rich heritage which goes back to that French upstart, William the wouldn't-have-been-a Conqueror if Harold and his boys hadn't been so tired in 1066.
They've seen off all challenges since but fear the British Airports Authority may do to them what Civil War, Zeppelins and the Luftwaffe couldn't. Damien, who I've never seen as a plane-spotter, has goggles around his neck and a little note-book  in his gloved hand, and all for you.

Which ever side loses tonight's Carling Cup semi-final will say it is an unimportant leg in an unimportant competition. Whichever wins will hail it as another victory laurel on the way to football's nirvana. Anyway, it will be big as it's Gooners Vs Spurs (why don't they have a more imaginative nick-name?) and Estelle will brief you. I think she is a Southampton fan with a long memory of glories, thirty odd years ago.

The papers will talk of terror on the trading floors of London's stock markets and tomorrow it will probably be boom time again.
Chrissie, always a boom, has the weather.

It was really cold when I came back from the barbers, as I told  Faye. She just laughed because I went to the same hairdresser as Cecil Parkinson. Hurt, I still concede she looks her lovely self today but I detect a cruel streak developing.

 

See if it shows up in tonight's edition of the programme that, for the time being, she is in charge of.

See you at 6.

Alastair and Katie
xxx

LONDON TONIGHT TONIGHT: Fri 18th Jan

Good afternoon.

Captain Fantastic was an Elton John album; Captain Marvel a Super-hero and Captain Birds-Eye a rather dubious cliché of a character, pressed into action, over the years, to flog fish fingers.

Captain Cool and Captain Courage are just a couple of the names the newspapers have come up with for Peter Burkhill, the guy who steered the "12.55 from Beijing" over houses, factories and fences in a literally death defying feat of aeronautical skill because, in the process, he saved 152 lives on the 'plane and God knows how many on the ground. He speaks later this afternoon and we suspect that you, like us, will be intrigued by his every word.

I was also intrigued when Salma said, at 3.22pm, that she had already taken a look at the script for What Not to Miss and so she might just as well record it. I feel out-flanked and bullied but it would be churlish of me to deny what may be her only serious pleasure today.

What has been but a small part of the enormous pleasures that I have already enjoyed today, and a mere smidgen of those I plan to enjoy before the sun sets over the yard-arm, is reading about Janet Devers who, like her mum before her, sells fruit and veg' from a market stall. That, in itself, would put her in my "hero" category. That it is a second generation business brings her yet more brownie points. But Sainthood and super-hero status are guaranteed for Janet because she sells her fine and earthy produce by the pound as well as mentioning the weight, in passing and surely only to satisfy those mainly tubby and normally self-satisfied types in Brussels, in kilos. I can remember tables that featured rods, poles and perches by way of length measurement and there is just something splendidly nostalgic about the old language of measurement - pounds and ounces ... "Lbs" and "Ozs". They will be after our pounds sterling and pennies next. Hurrah for Janet... is one side of the argument and, as this case went to court, we will, of course, reflect both with equal fairness and impartiality.

We are re-introducing a sportsbelt as we call it tonight - a series of four or so shortish sports stories which we hope you will enjoy and find interesting. In the worst circumstance that you don't, it will provide you with time to stroke the cat, poke the fire or draw the curtains: just don't get the nouns and verbs muddled up.

I was muddled when I asked why our story called "Fridge" wasn't in the sportsbelt convinced, as I was, that he was a very large player of American gridiron football.

In a flash I impressed The Big Boss, who is in charge to day as Faye is getting her three days of beauty sleep. But I also disappointed him: that I knew of a football player called "the fridge" impressed him. That I had forgotten about the sentencing of some nasties over a brutal attack at a nightclub called "The Fridge" didn't.

Learn, with me, the full outcome.

Finally James casts his eagle eye over the weekend's celluloid offerings both of which look terrific but for his choice and for his views, you'll have to tune in at 6.

In addition to the weather and the papers, we have a wonderfully off-the-wall tale which is like Michael Douglas's Gordon Gecko character in "Wall Street" meeting Steptoe & Son. "Greed is good, you dirty old man...". Older viewers will know instantly what I mean. Younger viewers will, I hope, find it worth investing their time in finding out what on earth I am going on about.

All and more, at 6.

Alastair & Salma.

 

 

 

,

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 17th January

Hello all,

 

No surprises what we've been concentrating on today .. you may have heard about the small matter of a BA plane making an emergency crash landing at Heathrow. It certainly kept me and the legendary Alastair on our toes at lunchtime. In case you HAVEN'T had the chance to turn on the radio or tv yet today, I should quickly tell you that there were no serious injuries .. but my goodness, what a close shave those passengers had.
We'll have everything you need to know: the facts of the accident, witness reports, the near miss accounts from people on the ground, the technical expertise, and .. of course .. the knock on effect for everyone who's either travelling through or near Heathrow today.

 

It's not the only story in town though .. we've also got the aftermath of that shocking stabbing in Camberwell yesterday - of a 13 YEAR OLD girl in a Catholic school playground.

 

We also sent Damien off to Camden, where the many purveyors of tie-died bedspreads and goth clothing (or was that just when I used to hang out there in the early 90's .. ) are frankly fed up with the increasing numbers of drug dealers. It's ruining business, they say, as well of course as being a real menace.

 

So, what with that, the papers, the weather , and your thoughts on the Heathrow accident .. that'll be your lot!

 

See you at 6.

 

Katie x

 

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 16th January

Good afternoon.

Faye - the beatific vision who produces this programme - and I have much in common: a passion for news, joint membership of ITN's Award Winning Quiz Team and cats.

She has just had her security system modified so her moggies can roam free without activating the laser sensors. I am very interested as my cats have to stay in the utility room at night so as not to trouble the boys in blue because they might think the swag-bag boys in striped tee-shirts and eye-masks were having a go at what is mine and not theirs.

Viewers may find this helpful but none more so than those in Surrey, where the Chief Constable says half his crime is carried out by travellers ; not Romanies but baddies who clamber aboard their chosen form of transport, do the dastardly deed in Mr. Surrey-cop's manor and then slink back - most often to central London. Some is serious organised crime, some is drug dealing and much is burglary. Harris has his Blues and Twos blasting and booming. We also talk to a reformed burglar who has more tips on how you can protect your property. Better the devil you know....

Flanders & Swan penned and regularly performed a wondrous ditty in tribute to the London omnibus, and On The Buses was  a truly dreadful yet curiously popular sitcom way back when. So buses in entertainment are not uncommon. But, in your front room, when you are watching TV, uncommon they are. Liz met the family who's afternoon viewing was spectacularly interrupted.

If you don't like  buses let alone cars, you may be a cyclist. Piers has great news for you for those post-pedal moments of pain - you'll need a towel.

Robin meets the free-running street athletes who are training the Royal Marines to scale even greater heights with even greater agility in defence of the realm.

Ben meets Nicola and Thug who are two utterly delicious creatures who can well defend themselves despite being little for their breed. Hip-hip hooray, you'll shout!

As you will when we confirm that the BAFTAs this year look set to be an overwhelmingly British affair. Uncle Sam, eat your heart out: the Brits have come, seen and conquered. The Producer of Atonement tells us why. 

Amidst talk of flooding in Surrey, Robin will have the weather prospects.
All that plus your thoughts on crime, if you send them in, and the papers if they are delivered - the milk was late but we live in hope.
I've just appeared on Countdown and Katie is nowhere to be seen.

 

I am sure, however, we will both be here at 6.
Hope you are there.

Alastair & Katie, woman of mystery and international intrigue, perhaps out looking for fruit? I haven't bought her any today.
Pip pip.

 

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 15th January

Good afternoon.
I have just purchased a banana for the delightful Ms Derham. And a Twix bar. How she does it is beyond me: a real snacker and yet always of perfect proportions. Anyway, away from the physiology and on to the economics. These snacks were by way of a treat, a present between friends. Doubtless she will do the same for me at some point over the next few days and so it will go. Swings and roundabouts but with no obligation on either part. If she buys me a Snicker bar (because I prefer them to Twix) I will just count my blessings. All fine and dandy just so long as she remembers I don't like bananas.
But what was the deal with the Lottery Fund over its billion pound contribution to the costs of the 2012 Olympics? Was it by way of the financial equivalent of a very big Twix bar - a gift - or was it a sort of loan? And what if the Olympics people don't have the dosh to pay back the loan, if loan it was? Who suffers then? It is a lot more interesting than the banana Ms Derham has now consumed and Harris is the man in possession of a slide rule and a Bible, so people can give their answers on oath.

Ms Derham's tastes are very normal but pregnant women often have bizarre food fads and passions: perhaps a banana, with bits of Twix bar stuffed inside? But can they conceive when they are already pregnant? Liz thought not, but join her and learn with wide and watery-eyed amazement.

With Phil you can meet the headmaster who watched You Tube with wide and watery-eyed fury as he saw some of his little darlings up to no good at all. His high-tech solution will echo with many mums and dads, I am sure.

Watford's Al Bangura has escaped a life-threatening "transfer" back to his mother country. Emma has the ONSIDE rule explained to her by the man himself.

We've just heard it will be raining between 6 and 6.30 so no point in you going out. Unlike Robin who has to give you the weather prospects. They're a cruel bunch these weather people: Chrissie predicts a downfall and takes the day off. Robin comes in and has to stand outside in it. I'd sue. I'd certainly not buy her fruit or chocolate.

See you at 6.

Alastair and the now nicely "snacked" Katie.

 

London Tonight Tonight: Mon 14th Jan

Good afternoon.

Years ago I made a documentary at Ford Open Prison in Sussex and, among the criminal gliteratti populating this former Fleet Air-arm base were a goodly number of the Met' Vice Squad. It was the late 70s and they weren't on a fact-finding mission nor had they gone down for a day by the sea: they'd gone down for bribery, corruption and perverting the course of justice. They were good company and quite bright.( Well, not that bright come to think of it.) Anyway, I am almost certain I could swear an oath that the assertion I am about to make is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.: none of them got bail. So it came as a massive and fatal shock to everyone involved when Inspector Garry Weddell, accused of murdering his wife, did. Duly bailed, he then apparently went on to kill his mother-in-law and , finally, himself. It is one of those stories with little upside beyond a fascination with the incompetence and irresponsibility of the system that let it happen. Marcus is trying to make head and/or tail of it.

Making head, tail and everything in between of our somewhat leaky benefit system was the little old lady who was aided and abetted in his misdemenour by her deaf-mute cousin. No lions featured though you might say she was a bit of a witch: But given the office for her crime was a cupboard this is a sort of Tales of Narnia from The Dark Side story. There is a bizarre amusement in it all until you hear how much she took off the system, a system set up to help you and for which you pay. Phil will wipe the smiles of our collective faces at 6.

Smile if you like pop music and Kelly Osbourne: they combine in a celebration of the work that is up for honours in this year's Brit Awards. Lucy is young enough to be your guide. If you are a little older and perhaps wrestle with the point of pop and even who Miss Osbourne is, then you may well be old enough to thoroughly enjoy our property report which tonight runs out of noughts explaining how much our dwellings are jointly worth. If you aren't in the property owning classes and, in some way, blame the politicians, we've one of the nicer ones on the programme explaining why he should be Mayor. He is neither Ken nor Boris so drop by. meet Brian and broaden your horizons.

You may well be tempted to broaden your horizons if , by chance, you hail a particular black-cab. One of my favourites is the guy in the Cuba cab: he wears a white straw fedora and won't hear a word against Fidel or those splendid, hand-made cigars. He does it for free because he genuinely cares and believes. There's another guy who is being paid to tell you how a bit of the world is better than where you live or even where you ask him to take you. It is a little further afield than the leafy suburbs but to say more would be to spoil his pitch and you know how cabbies hate to be interrupted or told to hush while you finish the cross-word. We had that Ben Scotchbrook in the back of this particular cab for this one.

By the way, the best bit about our top story about the cop released on bail is the judges reason for letting him out. I swear on my life I can't tell you and I swear, equally, on my life you will be shocked.

London's papers and Chrissies weather - a magic recipe for papier mache if ever I saw one.

See you at 6.

Alastair & Katie

 

London Tonight Tonight: Fri 11th Jan

Good afternoon.

John Suchet and I regularly got mistaken for one another: male, dark-hair, not toweringly tall - I suppose it made sense. But I was even more bemused when someone suggested I could be Neil Diamond in one of those "Matthew, tonight I am going to be" shows. Anyway, nothing wrong with mistaken identity unless it falls into that dastardly legal area of personation and so long as the impersonated person doesn't mind. But that "doubles-industry" that has sprung from all that plumbed new depths today - with the offer, from a council flat in Streatham, of a Madeleine McCann lookalike. Glen, a unique specimen in my view, is in search of something made-up to look like a plausible explanation.

I wanted to put in the rubbish bin the "plausible explanation" put forward by Basildon Council for proposing to fine people who make mistakes in their refuse disposal arrangements. OK, we all want to save the planet and we all, well most of us, pay our council taxes. But I never saw in any manifesto an appeal for a mandate to persecute the population for putting a paper bag in a plastics only place. It is an affront to logic and reasonable administration, some might argue. And, if they did, they'd have a supporter in me. Tom Barton, who is quite tall and rather well built, is on the tail of the Town Hall tyrants.

On the other hand, a sound and reasonable exercise by those who administer justice on our behalf: the man who murdered a Harrods shop assistant in 2006 and buried her in a shallow grave will remain in custody for at least 23 years. Marcus has been listening to the moving reaction to this firm conclusion to a pointless tragedy.

It is Friday so we seek to lift your spirits, too: a surreal, reality show exercise in Sweden to find a new Lady in the Lake for a West End production based upon something between The History of the Crusades and an explanation of how rabbits can be made to explode - as the Big Boss said, it could only be Monty Python and the Spamalot lot. Piers looks terrific as King Richard.

Lucy , who was brilliant with Tom Hanks on Wednesday, turns her talents on Chris Rock tonight and Chrissie, who made the bonkers notion of Hawaii comes to Canary Wharf make sense last night, tonight keeps her bell-bottoms and stripped tee-shirt on to remain splendidly nautical at the Boat Show.

James tells us what he thinks of Tom Hanks latest offering. I am sure Lucy will have marked his card. Imagine, "As Tom said to me...." ! Marvelous. And James looks at Dan in Real Life, too, which Salma thinks is pap. At least I think that's what she said.

Talking of Salma, I was intrigued to see her eyeing up one of my suits and looking at the collar size of one of my white shirts. I am sure I heard her ask our brilliant make-up lady, Liz, to help squeeze her hair into a masculine quiff. Do I suspect an impersonation in a bid to deny me the chance to fulfill what is my obligation, this week, to craft What Not To Miss for you? You must watch to see if I succeed in foiling her plot. But will you know?

Judge, at 6.

Alastair & Salma

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 10th January

Good afternoon.

 

There are things I could tell you about ITN which would shock you - like the fact that a Grand Man who rejoices in the title of Editor in Chief queues for his own tea and is doing that very thing, right now. There are other things I could tell you but they are secret and I would be fired for sharing them. Or I could tell you and then I'd have to kill you, as they say in the movies. So imagine I wrote them all down and gave them to a dispatch rider to take them to ITV Production's HQ on the South Bank, and the courier dropped them out of his satchel to be found by a complete stranger in the street?

I'd be furious, as would the people the delicate information related to. You will be amazed, therefore, if you tune in at 6 when we have a story much the same as that but the "stories" were intimate test results of patients, including tests for HIV and cancer, and that two of our top hospitals were at either end of the journey. Glen is your messenger and he won't drop a thing, not even an "h".

Unlike Mayor Ken - 'oo 'as been known to drop an "h" or two, depending on his mood - which by the way was pretty black when confronted by Boris "clipped vowels" Johnson in a Mayoral debate for ITV last night. It is shown in all it's gory glory rather late tonight but Harris has a sneak preview for you at 6.

We also have a sneak preview of Sweeney Todd the movie, live from Leicester Square as Johnny Depp treads the red carpet in celebration of the film's premiere. Tom Hanks last night, Depp tonight: the other programmes must eat their hearts out. And we do it all for you.

Surf's up in the east end : whether that means meteorologist-reporter Chrissie in a wet suit or not, I don't know but I'll be watching - very closely  indeed, as  should you be.

Faye, a Goddess in black today, was confronted by a madman at the weekend who destroyed her wing mirror. Her delightful husband and she stood their ground and all is now resolved. But it cost the assailant a pretty sum in damages and a wigging from the boys in blue. Just a warning incase you come across this vision of elfin delicacy: she's got a bite on her, too.

Remember that when you watch the show tonight: she produced it, she is responsible for it and if you DON'T like it, she'll be after you.
I only mention it for your own safety.

Alastair & Katie

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 9th January

Good afternoon.

Liverpool's demi-God Bill Shankley - when told football was a matter of life and death - famously said it was more important than that.
I feel a bit that way about the programme tonight. At one end of the spectrum we have London's first Birth Hotel. Like Ronseal, it does what it says on the tin: it is not a hospital, with all the add-ons a hospital needs. It is a purpose built unit, driven by midwives, that exists solely to assist women with the birth of their children. We explore if it is as good as it sounds, and ask some tough questions. One of our mum-reporters, Emma, is casting an informed and expectant (congratulations Em' !) eye over the facility.

At the other end is an appalling story of animal misery: 35 dead horses that were kept in a terrible condition.  86 are right now being rescued and we are waiting to hear how they are doing. Who could let this happen and why? Marcus is on his way.

We've the tragedy of the lad in Dartford who died  under a bus, and the pleasure of the Pitsea pupils who have told their teachers they WILL wear ties: uniform pleasure in the office about that one.

Apparently some are bemoaning the fact that they spend so much time showing the little ones how to tie a single or even double Windsor. Hey, spare a thought for the Masters at Eton! Or not.

From one bank of the Thames we've the monstrous invasion of Abramovich-like Russian Zebra Mussels who, like Abramovich's Chelsea - fear no predator. Whilst, on the other bank, we have the very un-Abramovich like London Eye - BA have pulled the plug on their sponsorship and London's favourite tourist attraction is in need of a new financial friend. I think ITV  (EYE..geddit??) should step in but I am told that is not, currently, the plan.

Finally, Tom Hanks unveils his latest controversial, multi-million dollar oeuvre on the red carpet in Leicester Square as we unveil our search for a unique London talent to entertain the troops on Olympic handover day in Trafalgar Square. Lucy will be looking lovely with the luvvies and Ben has the baton, and is keen to pass it on.

Weather, papers and your thoughts on birth hotels should bring it all neatly to an end.

An end? Perchance to dream... no, not that theme again. See you at six.

Alastair & Katie.

 

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 8th January

Hello!

 

New Year, New Initiative from the Mayor. He put his thinking cap on over Christmas, and "ding!", a lightbulb appeared over his head. No, really. It's all about lightbulbs, and how we should swap our ordinary ones for energy saving ones. What do you think... is this the kind of project you want our Mayor to encourage, or would you rather he concentrated, like his mayoral rival Boris Johnson, on cutting crime? Simon Harris has been finding out more.

 

Meanwhile, we're out on the streets of London with some of the biggest victims of (or perpetrators of .. ) traffic accidents. Yup, cyclists. The police want to crack down on their illegal cycling habits, and if you're a fan of 2 wheels, watch out - they could slap you with a 30 quid fine if they catch you jumping a red light.

Liz Wickham's been to look at the latest offerings for Trafalgar Square's empty fourth plinth ( my money's on the meerkats.) And Emma Walden has met an extremely brave little girl who may have lost a leg, but insisted she only missed a couple of days of school.

 

We have the heartwarming tale of Errol the Collie dog  .. you'll just have to watch .. and we have the marvellous Timothy West in the studio to tell us about his Pinter double bill.

 

Excellent! See you at 6.

Katie and Al.

 

London Tonight Tonight: Mon Jan 7th

Good afternoon. I can honestly say it is good to be back after a slightly longer break than most of you probably enjoyed. But, my goodness, did I put in the hours back in the summer. Well that's my case and I am sticking by it.

If, however, I have two cases of a briefcase sort of size, I can now take them both on the plane with me. So long as I am flying from Heathrow and not Gatwick. And so long as I am flying to Edinburgh and not Exeter. It's as simple as an episode of Mission Impossible or James Bond. All will be revealed at 6.

With or without bag, or bags, the boys and girls building the 2012 Olympic site are finding it more of a tri-, hep- or even pentathalon than it ought to be. And that's just getting to work and back. I'd get a mobile home if I was them, but maybe they've been warned off by the travellers who made an eventual but rather inelegant exit from their's on the site. Harris runs Olympic rings round them all.

Running rings around the forces of law and order was the hero of Anthony Burgess's brilliant futuristic novel A Clockwork Orange which made a star of Malcolm McDowell when Stanley Kubrick eventually allowed it to be shown in cinemas. The powers that be, not least the London Boroughs of the 1960s, feared Kubrick's brutal interpretation of Burgess's chiller thriller would inspire mindless violence in a generation of club wielding, drug taking youths. Well, the only thing they got wrong was the weapon of choice but I fear cinema probably had very little to do with what followed.

McDowell's character thrilled to the chords of Beethoven which is odd given Transport for London find classical music to be soothing troubled brows in 40 London tube stations and reducing episodes of violence. Mind you, the Pastoral is a very different thing to the Ninth. Anyway, Glen waves the baton of peace and explores, if music be the food of peace, can we hope for calm across a broader canvass?

TV's popular drama The Bill is taking another tack on gun-crime and violence by dedicating a run of 8 episodes to the theme. It is subtitled "witness", and Ronke's been taking statements about the new drama that it is hoped may also help make our streets safer.

All on the day that Boris surfaces with his first raft of policies and, yes, they focus on street violence. So, more TV, more classical music or more "flog 'em and hang 'em into submission" ? We'll be asking the towsle topped one, live at 6.

As an after thought, whilst almost anything by Debussy would rock you into placid submission, I'd defy anyone to stand back from the fray to the strains of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. What else are you supposed to do in time to the canon fire? I think TfL are playing with fire.

Nina and I hope you'll march on Moscow with us at 6 and retreat, in better order than Napoleon, at the end of the ITV News hour.

Boom boom!

LONDON TONIGHT TONIGHT: 4th Jan 2008

Hello you -

So, we've made it to the end of the week. A short one, yes, but the fact is some of us have been working very hard already this year while numerous others haven't lifted a finger since 21st December. Honestly - that's not what made Britain great, is it?

One of the things that used to make Britain great was our love and respect for animals. You may have seen our report last night telling the sad story of numerous four legged Christmas presents being abandoned - and the stirling work being done by the RSPCA to find new, caring, homes for them. Well, tonight we've another story of cruelty involving dogs, but this is where owners use their dogs to scare and even hurt people - owners who don't keep their potentially very dangerous dogs under control. Well, one London authority is saying that if that happens in one of their council flats or houses , they could lose their dogs and even their homes. Wandsworth council would also like to see the return of dog licences - at a proposed cost of

£500 - bit of a leap from the old days of 37.5p, eh?

We'll also be looking at the issue of gangs on our streets. Gangs that sometimes are defined by the streets they live in, or the block of flats. And woe betide people who live in other streets or flats. It's thought such divisions could lie behind last week's murder of Nassirudin Osawe in Islington. So, 'where you live' appears to be breeding the dangerous tribalism in the capital, but why... and what can we do about it? We'll take a look this evening.

Onto something a little lighter of a Friday... Banksy. Love him? Loathe him? Have absolutely no idea who he is? Well, some call him a glorified graffiti artist. Others, just a graffiti artist. Oh, alright - SOME people say he's the cutting edge of modern art... or something. The bottom line is there are enough fans to make his works rather valuable and one if them has now left a wall in a Portobello with a price tag of

£1 million.

We'll also.... look at two new movies coming to a cinema near you this weekend... round up what else the capital offers from now until Sunday evening... and Chrissie will tell us whether we should plan to be in or outside.

We'll have it all wrapped up for you with graphics and theme music - at SIX.

Ben & Salma

LONDON TONIGHT TONIGHT: Thur Jan 3rd

Hello London and, indeed, everyone outside London.

Tonight's a good example of our efforts to cover stories wherever they happen around London - and it's powered by coal.

On the banks of the Thames estuary outside Rochester, Kingsnorth coal-powered station has been supplying electricity for lots of years. There had to be a successor and the powers-that-be have gone for... another coal-powered station - Britain's first for more than 20 years. And as if that wasn't enough to set environmental campaigners' alarm bells ringing, it's reckoned another one could now be built in Tilbury. Do they have to be coal-powered? What about nuclear stations? Nah, surely now's the time for wind and wave-power? All questions we'll be looking at - and asking you tonight.

Mind you, it's a good job we're not relying on a snow-powered station. Remember yesterday, the forecasters got EVERYONE'S alarm bells ringing with talk of snow across our part of the world today, with all the ensuing travel chaos. Er, well, there've been no reports of any ACTUAL snow across the capital at the time of writing. And the travel is only as chaotic as most other evenings... We'll be turning the screws on Chrissie who's been sent out into the cold as a punishment.

We'll also get the latest from the Royal Marsden Hospital after the disastrous fire there. The Prime Minister went to see the damage for himself this morning - and speak to some of the heroes who saved the day yesterday.

Something for animal lovers too - well, something to get them steaming and spitting with rage. You may remember the pre-Christmas 'Angel' we brought you - in the shape of a big slobbery St Bernard? The RSPCA was showing her off to warn people of the dangers of buying dogs and other animals as Christmas presents. Guess what. Their campaign didn't work and right now the Royal Society is looking for homes for lots of unwanted, four-legged presents. Our editor says we're not allowed to say what we really all think of the people who bought them. You can have a guess, if you like.

Moving on... to some sport. We'll hear from a true London rugby legend at the end of his career... and a young swimmer who's hoping to be a British legend of the future but is having to pursue his national ambitions - in Australia. Four years until the London Olympics and we don't have the facilities here. So that's just great.

And on that jolly note - time for a tea...

See you at SIX.

Ben & Salma

 

LONDON TONIGHT TONIGHT: Wed 2nd Jan

Good Afternoon to you - and, as this is our first e-mail of 2008, a very Happy New Year to you...

 

Hope you had a cracker of a Christmas - and yesterday wasn't spent with the first hangover of the year.

 

And we'll cut the small-talk there because we have an extremely busy afternoon ahead.

 

First up, if you haven't heard already, a huge fire has broken out at the Royal Marsden hospital - what firefighters have called a 'very serious' fire. Seriously, the pictures tell the story - massive flames tearing through the roof, smoke billowing into the sky. We've just heard the entire hospital has been evacuated - patients carried out of the building to a nearby church. What's more, as you may know, the Marsden is THE specialist cancer centre in the whole country. The knock-on effects could be dreadful. It is a fast moving story this - we'll have the latest from the scene tonight.

 

We've then got another big story - an exclusive, in fact, from the world of London politics. You may have seen that over the weekend, the man fighting the Lib Dem corner in the election for Mayor - Brian Paddick - dismissed the Tory hopeful - Boris Johnson - as 'a clown'. Well, we and YouGov conducted a poll on who would vote for who in May - and the 'clown' is currently 'neck and neck' with Ken Livingstone. Yes, it looks like Boris is going to make a fight of it. And the man doing the name calling? He's got a bit of custard pie on his face.

 

Many of you who got the train to work this morning may have had a good grumble about inflation-busting fare increases... or, indeed, the fact that your corner of the rail network is closed. What you may call 'paying more for less'.

 

Doesn't sound very fare, er, fair to us. And to top it all, we're expecting a bit of snow round these here parts tomorrow. So, that should bring all the other trains to a standstill...

 

A busy day then - our thoughts obviously with anyone being treated or working at the Royal Marsden.

 

We'll see you with all the details at SIX.

 

 

Ben & Salma.