Good afternoon.
I must apologise, again, for sneezing last night during our item on property with Louisa. I will do my best to avoid a repeat performance but, given how cold it has been, albeit precisely predicted by Chrissie, who knows. What I do know is that there is an unholy row brewing over our air - not the temperature but the quality and certain proposed efforts to rein in its deterioration. Next week sees the start of Ken's Low Emission Zone - and , even as you scoff "not me and my Mini" be warned: motorised caravans, motorised horse boxes, vans and lorries may all fall short of the Mayors ambitions for ecological purity and if that's you, it'll cost you 200 crisp ones for offending and five times as much if you don't cough. If it works you should, of course, be coughing less, but that is a separate issue.
Or is it?
We had a right old row with the man at TfL about what lay behind this plan: pollution? the environment? emissions? The resolution of this linguistic bit of arm wrestling will make some of you laugh but most of you turn a rich shade of puce. Simon will translate this Rosetta Stone of a piece of public policy. Cheques books to the ready and, if you haven't got your catalytic converter by now, you will be in a fug!
Go by foot, I hear many of you say. Therein may lie the rub, if you live in a certain part of Bromley. One man's fish may be another man's poison and one families crime-riddled foot-path may be another families peacefully rural route to school. Liz puts on a pair of sensible shoes in an effort to make sense of this conundrum.
Another conundrum has got one of our Tory MPs in serious trouble. Blessed with two bright sons, he put them on the parliamentary pay-roll as research assistants. The conundrum is this: can they legally be paid if they don't appear to have done much work? Who is to judge? Well PC Plod may have a peak at the worksheets and, in the meantime, David Cameron, the leader of the Conservative Party, has decided the MP in question, Old Bexley & Sidcup's Derek Conway, should spend even more time with his family whilst the matter is sorted out.
I suppose if he runs a bit short of the readies he could open a stall in a street market so long as he is not tempted to put parliamentary questions on his "for sale" sign: Derek never would, whilst others who did now grace our TV screens in a bizarre range of adverts and reality shows. What an odd world politics is. Anyway, street markets are under threat by the spreading cancer of, or ever helpful growth in, branded convenience stores: it all depends what you need at what time of the day and at what price, I guess. Glen says "Not 5, not 4, not 3 not 2... but about a minute and three quarters should add to your understanding. Sold to the man at the back!"
Should Glen, or perhaps I, on his behalf, say "And we'll throw in the youngest ever lad to be selected for the England Pool team!" he, or perhaps I, wouldn't be lying. He is with us too.
As is Chrissie, in a bright red coat today and looking lovely.
The papers - who knows - I got it wrong yesterday so let us leave it for idle speculation.
Never idle, the brilliant Ms Derham has been at the South Bank Show awards and will be bright eyed and brilliant, as ever, with me at 6.
She also says she'll bring the tissues.
See you at 6
Alastair & Katie
