I'm in a foul mood - Ikea won't deliver my new bed to my new house cos it's not the same address as my billing address - obviously!! I'm moving. Grrrrrrr. Robin is doing his best to cheer me up with custard jokes (more of in a mo) I think Al needs cheering up too.. his computer's broken and it doesn't seem like the people at PC World have given him a proper diagnosis. Grumbles from his direction..
I feel his pain and am spreading the love today as I also hate trains - it takes forever to do a ten minute journey from Clapham Junction to Waterloo - even longer for the stupid bus to arrive at Waterloo to bring me to the office (if only I was Al and got chauffeur driven everywhere - not true of course - but I don't like to think of him being stuck on trains like us). The trains are stupid, stupid, stupid and so are the buses. But the trains really are bloody slow - it's a fact. Some South West Trains journeys take longer than they did before the war. I'm not surprised - and it won't surprise the American tourist on my train this morning either - who said (surprisingly loudly...) "This guy drives slower than my Grandma!" I couldn't help but nod in agreement. Phil Bayles has been dispatched to find out why so sllooooooooow!!??
Back to the custard and another angry person. Leila Deen was so mad there was nothing else for it - green custard in Peter Mandelson's face. I don't think he's been moonlighting at either PC World or IKEA - he got Leila's blood boiling over Heathrow. She's from Plane Stupid - and says he's not helping their cause. So he got slimed! I've been reliving images of Ghostbusters. Marcus has been quoting things about green slime running through Mandelson's veins. He's going to explain all and show us the pics later - and take a trip down memory lane - not to Ghostbusters - but to more of our favourite politicians getting custarded. I'm just watching the pics again and am slightly concerned that Ms Deen managed to calmly walk away from the sliming...don't people get arrested for doing things like that - cue Robin...I don't think a custarding is assault "If it was they'd be facing a custurdial sentence". I'm smiling now.
400 others are not smiling though - they're puking and pooping and it's all thanks to a certain chubby duck. I've always had Heston's restaurant in Bray on my list of places I really should get around to eating in. But it has gone down the list now the food's apparently not going down too well. First 40 people said they'd got sick after eating there - now it's 400! Heston first thought it might be sabotage - but turns out they don't think that now - what it is Tamsin Roberts will be trying to find out as the 3 Michelin starred eatery stays shut for another weekend. No credit munch there then..
What else...there are some smash and grabbers caught by CNN on camera in Oxford Street which sounds well worth a look - and listen if Big Ed's imitation during the meeting (something of a roar!) is anything to go by. There's also James with the flicks - Watchmen (which looks like a boy's things to me) and The Young Victoria (which is definitely one I'm up for but am not sure I'll be able to persuade the other half..).
Ah yes - then there's Cannon and Ball - not a pair I'm familiar with as I don't recall them making it big down under...but I'm told they were the stars of ITV in the 80s - something to do with braces - which Al has forgotten to wear today so can not demonstrate - something to do with rocking on...I'm told I should be all excited - we'll see... They're in to talk about the Best of British Variety Tour - I'm looking forward to hearing about Nookie the Bear...That should put me in a better mood.
Now I just have to sort out my stupid phone - contacts and calendar have disappeared...it just is NOT my day!
Chocolate is called for.
See you at 6.
Alex and Alastair.
