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London Tonight Tonight Monday 24th November 2008

Good afternoon.

A brief missive as the Chancellor is announcing how he intends to creep up behind you all and say "Lend us a fiver. Promise you'll have it back, a little after Friday" - without defining 'a little after' nor sharing with you which Friday, from here stretching to Armageddon, he has pencilled in.
So, our programme tonight features an eclectic mix of news and entertainment, not unlike the emergency budget, the panic package we must call The Pre-Budget Report.
I thought Faye (black top, tight jeans, black boots - wow!) said London had the worst rate of screaming babies in the country. How this resulted in a sharply higher rate of deafness among infants was not immediately clear though I guess a lot of shouting could damage children's hearing. It was only when she clarified that she had said SCREENING and not SCREAMING that all became clear. Perhaps I was missed in those early months, all those years ago? We'll review London's pre-natal services and pre-natal failures to see if we can't help get something done about it. Then we'll screen it from the roof-tops.... no, we'll scream it from the roof-tops.

The significant levels of screening that Baby P was subject to but, yet, failed to save his life, continue to cause concern at every level. Ordinary folk, in their thousands, continue to pay respects to the little soul and have left several florist-fulls of flowers where his ashes were scattered. Fewer in number but potentially greater in impact are the opposition politicians on Haringey Council who, tonight, will demand that Labour heads roll. We'll be there with our basket to catch tumbling skulls and, like the old hags of the French Revolution, will be watching with you, and with our knitting needles clattering.
The chains clattered, allegedly, in Boy George's flat when he asked a visiting model to "hang around" while he went shopping. Alleged "chainee" wasn't happy and BG must explain himself to The Beak.

Opposition MPs are roaring with laughter at Mr Darling as I write so I must press on or I will miss the jokes or the economic forecasts which may, of course, be one and the same thing. If he has anything sensible to say about housing we'll talk to Kirstie about it.
As he borrows billions to bail out the economy which appears, from what he has said so far, to have gone wrong whilst he, like Boy George, just popped out for something at the shops, we have thousands to give away. Ah, yes, it is the People's Millions again and we have our first good causes in need of your support. Our thousands may pass Mr Darling's billions on the road which is Britain's economy... but going in opposite directions.

Finally, Craig David is in the studio: One of Britain's biggest selling R n B artists ever with a string of hits littering the last pop-tastic decade. We came up with two hits, "Fill me in" and "7 days" so his forthcoming Greatest Hits album will be a joyous revelation. He did well in Soccer Aid and was Man of the Match. This mix of accolades is of course, compelling, but I can't see him without thinking of Avid Merion, Kes the Sparrow Hawk and pant-wetting.

Sorry, but I must get back to Mr Darling who is turning into a numerate badger as I write.
See you at 6 unless I am heading for the Cayman Islands.

Alastair and Katie.