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London Tonight Tonight Monday 19th May

London Tonight Tonight Monday 19th May

Good afternoon.

Tonight, we will not be featuring Roger Waters, late of Pink Floyd and now one of the towering figures of modern music in his own right. That, despite the fact that I saw him perform Dark Side of The Moon at the O2 last night and it was utterly sensational. As was the dedicated effort of the security man who found my mobile phone and returned it to me this morning. No, we will be a Floyd-, even neo-Floyd-free-zone. But we will mention Led Zeppelin, in passing.

It seems if you want to get the sap surging up those xylem and down those phloem, you need a bit of Stairway to Heaven and a Whole Lotta Love. All will become clear as Damien gets out his gloves and dibber and reveals all from the Chelsea Flower Show.

Also there, HM The Queen and HRH The Duke of Edinburgh.. which I think displays a pretty high-risk strategy given that one-to-one guided tours of the Crown Jewels and a one-to one-tour of the roof of Hampton Court Palace have just got on sale on E-bay. I am assured it has something to do with the Heritage Fund, but I'd check the reply address and if it's Isle of Dogs or if the name is an anagram of K-R-A-Y, I'd be regally worried. Phil is our man at Court.

Holding Court with Lucy is Usher, a rock star I have heard of but others seemed less familiar with. Faye observed that he seemed to lack a sense of humour and never took off his sunglasses. I think it is because he is a serious musician with sensitive retinas. Faye seemed to think an affliction in the nether regions might but a more credible explanation. She can be rude for one so elegant and beautiful.

At the heavy duty end of the programme, the top that is, we have emotional, polar opposites: a couple who escaped the horrors of the Chinese earthquake share their experiences and a Vicar talks of his heartbreak over the death of his adopted daughter in a mysterious and deeply troubling fall from a window in a half-way-house for difficult children. No upside to that, I fear, but an important story that needs telling and Lewis will do it with sensitivity and application.

Applications to buy property in London, and the prices thereof, seem to be on the rise again. Kingston is doing especially well, says Faye... who lives there. Hammersmith and Fulham, not so. No one admitted to living there. Odd, property: we all aspire to it and when we have it, it becomes such a sensitive issue. I once lived in Islington and never met Tony Blair when he lived there. I moved and, lo, saw more of him than was probably healthy. Funny old world.

Final thought: I knew a woman who was convinced listening to Pink Floyd throughout her pregnancies had made her children especially chilled. I have shared this thought as a fine idea for a programme item, but still no Dark Side tonight. I think Faye has put a Wall around her running order. I have two messages for Mr Waters: thanks for a great gig, and .... Wish You Were Here!

See you at 6

Alastair & Katie.