Good afternoon.
Builders. Can't live with them, can't live without them. I, of an afternoon, enjoy what we laughingly call Builders Tea: PG Tips, hot-water, cold milk, full-stop. I have two cups and a bar of chocolate to fire the turbines and spark the internal combustion engine which, jointly, give me the energy to present our programme for you, alongside the naturally energetic and naturally lovely Katie.
For the last few days, I have been denied both - (all three if you count the cups of tea separately and then the choclotae bar) - by dint of builders. Our newsroom is currently being refurbished to look like a cross between the Security Council of the UN and Quaglino's restaurant. The builders have erected blue screens to hide their architectural excesses but, in so doing, have denied us sight of the tea-trolley. I keep missing it and I am fading fast.
But this is as nothing compared to what their cousins have been up to at Shepherd's Bush Railway Station - a new, overground monument to the iron-horse system that serves our great capital.
A new shopping centre, a new over-land line, much expenditure and excitement, and platforms that are too narrow. "What!", I feel I hear you say. "Yes", I quip quietly back: "too narrow". The small matter of about £7m will now have to be spent to put it right otherwise the busy shoppers and commuters of SB will be standing too close for comfort to the oncoming carriages. "Stand-clear of the train" will be redundant even if annouced by the former naughty lady of the loudspeakers! Harris is hemmed in by the mob and Ken blows his top at 6.
A new shopping centre, a new over-land line, much expenditure and excitement, and platforms that are too narrow. "What!", I feel I hear you say. "Yes", I quip quietly back: "too narrow". The small matter of about £7m will now have to be spent to put it right otherwise the busy shoppers and commuters of SB will be standing too close for comfort to the oncoming carriages. "Stand-clear of the train" will be redundant even if annouced by the former naughty lady of the loudspeakers! Harris is hemmed in by the mob and Ken blows his top at 6.
We are not blowing our tops but blowing the whistle on the 12 "cons" of Christmas and are asking for your experiences of seasonal sharp practice. Our own song-bird, la belle Faye, penned the words and the London Gospel Choir deliver the Crimble Caution. Emma dons tinsle and raises her conductor's baton at 6.
We go on air at 6: not a moment earlier and not a moment later. People have start times for their work as a general and logical arrangement. Many start much earlier than you or I because we need their services or their vittals, later in the day. Milkmen, posties and transport workers all come to mind. So what should a butcher do when his new landlord says he can't fillet those beef cuts nor trim the pork until after 9am? It has happened and it looks like cleavers at dawn. Robin is wearing a rather fetching blue and white striped ensemble for you and wraps it all up in grease-proof paper at 6.
Dolly Parton, who tends to be wrapped up in pink and frills, taught us all how to spell 'divorce' and taught us of the pain and ignomany of failed marriages, all to a rather fetching country melody. Fired up by her abundant success, she now intends to educate the world's children more generally with her Imagination Library - a book for every child! Jasmine met the mega star who Faye said describes herself as a backward Barbie but I can't remember why nor how. That, too, may be revealed at 6. Stand By Your Man was my more optimistic take but then I always was a "cup half full" rather than a "cup half-empty" man: apart from when it comes to tea in which, of late, I have been a no-cup man. Builders.
Politicians: "men and women of honour who stand by their word". Discuss. One of them came on the programme on Thursday and pledged to do "something" about the plight of Boyhood to Manhood, the charity generally thought to be doing good in keeping kids off the streets and away from crime." Yeah" , some of you may have thought. We've been on Keith Vaz's case. Has he been true to his word? Find out at 6. It's all rather exciting.
Will Robin be true to his meteorological word? Of course he will.
And will London's papers tell the truth on their front pages or will you wrap your fish and chips in them? The salt and vinegar of London's news , all just for you, at 6.
If I seem to be fading, send a Red Cross parcel with tea, powdered milk and chocolate.
See you at 6.
Alastair & Katie
