Good afternoon. It is Wednesday. Mid-week. Salma is with me. Well, she's not because she's in make-up but she will be me later. At least I hope she will.
"You can never rely on human beings" is, I think you will agree, a deeply depressing outlook on life but they are the words our delightful producer Faye uttered at our planning meeting. Nothing to do with whether Salma would make it back from make-up or not but about some cops who used the Police National Computer.
Isn't that what they are supposed to do and isn't that what it is there for, I hear you ask? Not if they are running a Private Detective Agency bugging their innocent victims with the help of some of their bent brother officers in Staffordshire. Glen's got the whole case to lay out before you.
Now their backers say they can carry more passengers than ever before, and they are conveniently snapped in the middle, held together with a great big hinge. On the downside, dishonest passengers have a choice of three doors to slip in and out of in an effort to avoid paying the fare. But when you take into account that several of them have caught fire and have been directly linked with a load of injuries you worry a bit. When people are losing their lives because of them the gags end and you might very well think that the time had come to park the entire fleet.
Simon Harris investigates the latest fatality linked to The Bendy Bus, we talk to the man who runs the fleet and then ask for your comments.
From deadly danger to the joy of life: we talk to Megan Blunt who very nearly wasn't with us but has turned her potential tragedy and the genius of her medical team, into one of the most brilliant and useful books I have ever seen.
She's on her way to a parents evening right now so we talked to her earlier.
I am still drying my eyes from tears of pride and emotion.
So that will probably get me a P45 which will require me to seek a UB40 - or whatever the code is for "The Jobseekers Allowance". In the old days you knew where you stood: UB40 -Unemployment Benefit. Anyway the name of the form was lifted by a brilliant band of musicians who weren't really into protest music but rather good at a sort of white-boy's reggae. Lead singer Ali Campbell is in tonight to talk about a new album.
"I didn't know Tony Blair's former press secretary had had a career as a rock singer", I mused at the meeting.
"He didn't", said Faye, that savage dismisser of humanity.
I froze but have nearly recovered.
Salma is back from make-up and looks even more lovely than she did earlier. I shall take tea and hope to avoid looking out of place in her company. Dismissed by The Boss for my emotions, ridiculed by the delicious Faye for my ignorance, I cannot afford rejection by Salma for my appearance.
And remember, Faye, a glass can be half-full OR half-empty: here's to humanity.
And remember, Faye, a glass can be half-full OR half-empty: here's to humanity.
See you at 6.
Alastair and Salma.
