London Tonight Tonight: Fri 11th April

Good afternoon and what a lovely one it is. Saturday is just around the corner so we are determined to nudge you towards a state of informed and entertained contentment.... unless you are traveling to or, indeed, from Liverpool Street Station when the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is directly south of it. If you are, you may live to regret it. I can't tell you more save to say the Big Boss is a fan of Rick Astley, knows all the words to "Never Going to Give you up" and is quite fond of East Anglia. These are all relevant factors and he seems to know a troubling amount about what is a foot.

What is not a foot is a prompt and efficient move of flights from T4 to T5. Personally, I like both of the premier BA termini but what I like even more is knowing from which one I am flying. Get that wrong, and you really can get your Karachi's in a twist: it could take almost as long to get from T5 - "Sorry, Sir: did you not see out announcement?" - to T4 - "I am so sorry, Sir - it has gone but there is another.... tomorrow". Lewis (no more Welsh jokes and certainly no flights to Cardiff, Swansea or even Llandudno) is there to add to BA's woes -The World's Favourite Punchbag.

Flip Wilson is a great black American stand-up -come to think of it, he may be dead but, hey, humour is fickle: a great one-liner from him to an airline worker: "If you can fly that jet at 500 miles an hour in the dark and find Los Angeles, you CAN find my bags!"

If bags and suitcases could shout and shout as loudly as Brian Blessed, surely they would all be re-united with their owners. Alas they can't and we shall ask Brian why this might be so as he comes in to chat, at several hundred decibels, about his new role as the latest narrator of Prokofiev's wonderful Peter and Wolf. He climbs mountains, too and was rather good in Black Adder the First. I like him even if he gives me a head-ache.

Nursing the mother of all soccer head-aches is the brilliantly led and impressively staffed Arsenal who despite the magic of the Emirates are having a season to forget. Man U loom large at the great despoilers on Sunday and Paxo, as we call him, will assess just how stuffed the Gooners are. He knows his onions and is really rather sage.

As is James on movies - we've a shocker from Spain the Big Boss, currently being distracted by the impishly elegant though clearly bored Faye, won't let us show you! It is that horrific! I fear for James' sanity at this exposure. And he looks at Leatherheads, not a plurality of county towns in Surrey but gorgeous George's latest offering which Lucy nearly got round to discussing with the Great Man himself when she wasn't asking for his hand in marriage. I'd call her a trollop did I not know her to be a woman of genuine and far from easy virtue. We have sent her to talk to Kevin Spacey tonight about black jack: not some dodgy friend of Spacey's but another name for "vingt et un" , my favourite casino game and the theme in his new movie "21".

We've all the news you could want including the void that is the whereabouts of poor Mark Speight - we all really hope he is OK but, like his friends and family, grow fearful. The latest with Phil.

A quick flash of weather from Chrissie and a crumpling of front pages from us then get packing for the weekend after you've luxuriated with us from 6.

Hope you're there.

Alastair and Romilly.... (I got rid of Salma - she is in Hastings, thinking she is on special assignment for an extended What Not To Miss! Foolish yet charming woman....)

London Tonight Tonight: Thursday 10th April

Good afternoon.

How we laughed when BA and BAA asked hundreds of actors to pretend to be travellers and pretend to be going to Hong Kong or Honolulu. We chortled when we saw thousands of suitcases being tagged and dispatched when we knew there were no trunks, no clean pants and no spare shoes in any of them. But the smiles were wiped off our faces when BA and BAA bleated that it has all been a terribly successful exercise, that we should grow-up and acknowledge what sensible planners they were. OK. Fair point.

So what went wrong when T5 opened, then, hey??? We can let you into a really dreadful secret at 6. You will be amazed, angered and may find it even more difficult to trust some people in the future, even if trust in them had become as elusive as tens of thousands of suitcases now languishing in Milan, Heathrow and Never Never Land rather than in their owners' homes.

d4. d5. Nf3 c5. c4 e6. e3 Nf6. Bd3 Nc6. O-O Bd6. b3 O-O. Bb2 b6. Nbd2 Bb7. Rc1 Qe7 cxd5.... then you thump him.

Complex, I concede but this sequence sums up what the Big Boss has just described to me as his favourite story of the month. Put it this way, if you think Boris Spaski meets Barry McGuigan or Cassius Clay floors Sonny Liston, after some cerebral exertion, eitherr way you'll be on the right track. Honest, it is worth making the effort to check it out at six with grandmaster Phil.

Grandmasters all of the battle to be Mayor are the three leading candidates. Having "a good face for radio" is one of the cruelest things that can be said of people who aspire to be on television and I would not say it of any of them but they all went on the radio this morning to debate "who is the fairest of them all" in a political and leadership sort of way. I'll be hosting a similar TV exercise in a couple of weeks but they were really rather interesting this morning when no-one was watching (except us on your behalf) and several hundred thousand of you were listening. Watch what you missed seeing at 6 with Harris, a grand-master of all he touches.

Sian Berry the Green candidate wasn't on the radio this morning and is much better looking than all of them and, if I may say, talks as much if not even more good sense on some issues than any of them. She joins us in the studio.

Grand-master of all British tourist attractions is Big Ben; but it isn't really. The Tower, and the Palace the Tower tops off so beautifully at the north end, are the attractions. Big Ben is the bell. And it is a very old bell. 150 years old today and we go back to the maternity unit for all Great Bells in Whitechapel to say happy Birthday Ben. Damien has the bubbly. (Ironically, and allegedly, it might not have made 150 if the 7/7 bombers had had their complete way. It's been suggested that their targets included not only this top attraction but a list of runners up. Chilling thought. Only allegations in court but we can report it and you'll want us to so we will.)

Kate Hudson will be sipping the bubbly too as she celebrates her latest premiere tonight. Lucy will be looking for George Clooney in the crowd and talking to Kate, who may well know George.

I think the George thing is wearing thin but Lucy says she may never wash her hands again. Or scrub her cheeks - he does that french greeting rather elegantly I am told. My daughter is the same having met Jenson Button last weekend.

It is becoming unhygenic.

Papers and weather to take your minds off that troubling thought and the Peoples Millions to help you all fulfill your dreams.

 

See you at six.

Alastair and Katie.

 

 

London Tonight Tonight: Weds 9th April

Good afternoon from the newsroom to which we returned after being Camilla-ed and Kid Co-ed yesterday. Hope you felt as good about it as we did.

So, odd to say, sandwiched by two youth-murder trial verdicts and sentencing, we look at what one council is doing to stop kids buying knives which they do not intend to use for whittling or any other aspect of scouting. Ronke has a shocker but at least someone is trying.

Then Lucy is all a-glow, Harris is being seriously numerate, Nick somewhat disbelieving and all of us deeply saddened.

In reverse order, the collective sadness is at the news of Gloria Taylor's death. Damilola's parents were never publicity seekers: she was quiet to the point of being self-effacing. He, Richard, is a giant of man both physically and morally. They bore their loss, anger and disbelief with a towering integrity leaving us to do all the pushing and shoving. Sadly, whilst out for a walk with her husband, she had a heart attack and, a few hours later, died. The sense of loss over Damilola never left them, and now Richard has to bear a double dose of it. We'll pay a little tribute to a remarkable woman at the end of the show.

Nick's disbelief is based upon the unlikely physics of roller-blading and the utterly impossible physiology of a 71 year old being rather skillfully addicted to it. He has just said "it's a bit like watching Jimmy Saville on speed". Please don't let that put you off.

Harris's numeracy involves an abacus, a trade union, a former Labour MP, a Mayor of London and a 1% lead for someone which has shocked several players in this piece of political theatre. He loves it and has even been seen smiling - though that may have been the tea-trolley effect.

Finally Lucy met George and is happy. Not Star Wars' George Lucas; not George of George and Mildred infamy. George Best, George Formby and George Harrison, tragically, would have been impossible; suffice to say, she is the envy of virtually every woman in the newsroom and , I think truth to tell, not a few of the chaps. I think he was best as Ed Murrow, others favour the Ocean's series. Tune in and be titillated to your own conclusion.

Weather, papers and a cold shower would seem to be the only way to end all of this.

See you at 6

Alastair and Katie.

 

 

 

London Tonight Tonight: Friday April 4th

Hello everyone.

Well, it's the Grand National tomorrow and, as always, one of our programme editors has organised a sweepstake. 'Great' I thought... RIGHT up to the point I pulled the name of my horse out of the pot. Now, I'm not saying it's a 'no-hoper' but I don't think he'll be troubling the chap who engraves the name on the winner's trophy TOO much...

Am I downhearted? YES, frankly - I never ruddy well win anything on the Grand National. And now this donkey appears to have scuppered my chances before the jockeys have even put their trousers on. And let's face it - it's not the taking part that counts (would you want to jump over Beechers Brook?), it's the winning that matters.

Anyway - let's move on... before I'm told the blessed nag has pulled out with a head cold. (Salma's sulking because she didn't take part and all the horses have gone now. I'm just glad she's not got a better horse than me. I wouldn't hear the end of it all afternoon.)

The programme starts tonight with one of those real-life stories that may bring you out in a cold sweat. Getting trapped on the underground... It happened last night - people stuck in stuffy carriages on NINE trains - going nowhere on the Jubilee Line - for up to THREE HOURS. We've got some extraordinary 'commuter-cam' footage of the LONG walk to freedom and we've been speaking to people who were there...

When Arsenal moved home to the Emirates, there were a lot of fans who went 'whoopee' and, ever since, have loved going there to see the Gunner's home games. However... some of the local businesses - who've been working under the nearby rail arches for yonks - say they're now being forced out. Who says so? Why? Lots of sides to row. We've covered all of them.

Now then, Ken. Ken, Ken, Ken... so he's got 5 children by three different women. "Shock! Horror!"... or "Shock? Horror?" The fact is that it's NOT that unusual. Should we judge the Mayor differently to the way others are judged? Does it matter? Could... HANG ON, HANG ON... Isn't the big question here - WHY are we finding out NOW, just weeks before the election? And who leaked it? Why? Well, those are the questions we'll be asking this evening.

And it's the Olympic Torch Parade this weekend. Famous people will be carrying on a relay through the streets of London - as parts of a world tour. However, events in China mean there could be a spot of bother, requiring a BIG police presence. We'll be reporting on that.

Plus there are a couple of new movies for Mr King to review... AND there's our weekend guide in 'What not to Miss' and... oh, just join us SIX and find out.

Ben & Salma

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

London Tonight Tonight Thursday 3rd April

Good afternoon.

Quilled creatures, especially hedgehogs, are a source of endless witty banter normally concerning the amorous side of their lives. There's also a good joke about the difference between hedgehogs and Parliament but, remembering the time of day, I'll keep that one to myself.
My favourite, which can be shared, is "How do hedgehogs make love?". And the answer is, as it was when I was at school and is now,  "Carefully". 

Chrissie tells you why the answer might also be "Early"... She is among the flirtatious tiggie-winkles at 6.

Do you flirt on the Tube? Ever been tempted? Ever done it, innocently? You may have been watched and analysed. And the man who may have been watching you reveals to Vaughan, for whom a ride on the London Underground was a real treat as they don't yet have them in Wales, how you can 'pull' like you have never 'pulled' before. Or not.

Pulling closer to Boris, but in a sephological rather than flirtatious way, is Ken Livingstone. How much closer? Put it this way, Boris is blushing. Harris, as always, is our man with the abacus.
Give ear to our little explainer about the People's Millions and you and your favourite charity may need to borrow Harris's abacus to count up to 50,000 - in crispy one-ers.

If Peter Woodhams' family applied they might chose Victim Support as their charity - they certainly need it. Despite warnings to the Police about previous assaults, Peter was fatally attacked. An Independent Enquiry has torn the Met to shreds over how they handled it all, and, cascading salt into the Woodhams' wounds, the criticised cops are back on the beat. Beats me, too. If sense can be made of it, Ronke will.

Finally two stories from my addled brain inside my aching head, now covered with less hair than yesterday having had a more successful journey to my barber in Jermyn Street today. Maybe it was the driver, after all...

Anyway, I digress.
I love National Hunt racing and I adore the Grand National. Women compete but men always take the honours - white men and, more often than not, Irish white men.
So, to see a young black guy from London seeking honours at Aintree is a real joy for me on so many levels. I'll have a fiver on him just out of celebration. And if he wins, I'll nominate him for Sainthood. Phil makes a fine stable lad.

Then there's Son of Rambow about which I know nothing. Although, the lead-in written by Faye, looking well short of the total of years she finally admitted to at the weekend, suggests it is ALL we are talking about.
It is a retro-youth-fest, an hommage to the Eighties. I will be with you on the learning curve at 6 when we introduce the stars to you, having first had them introduced to us. Katie probably knows them and knows all about it, but she is currently talking classical music on the other side of town, elegant polymath that she is, so I can't be sure.

But, hey, am I lucky or not?

 

Alastair for, and on behalf of, Katie.

London Tonight Tonight Wednesday 2nd April

Good afternoon.
It is a story that divides the nation: not in the sense that some of you don't care about it whilst others are close to being up in arms about same. No, it is whether you are in the age group that remembers Bernard Cribbins singing "There I was, digging this hole.." or the gang who remember the Fab Four wailing on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band about the number of holes found in Blackburn.
Potholes are a scourge and we find them, examine them but fail to fill them in. There are more than you think and they are more dangerous than many of you will believe.  Lewis ,slowly losing his Welsh accent, dons wellies and picks up his pick and shovel just for you. And he puts his bike to unexpectedly good use, too.
Meanwhile, Mike Pearse reports on one of the biggest holes I have ever seen in one of the most inappropriate places possible. From childhood, I have loved the Devil's Punchbowl outside Hindhead. To ease traffic and force people to miss a glimpse of stunning rural England, they are burrowing underneath it. It'll do the job from a motorists point of view but at what a cost?
My own view is that we should be leading the programme tonight with why a taxi, that left Grays Inn Road heading for Jermyn Street, should, without a pothole in sight, take half an hour to get to Fleet Street? I gave up and I give up with London traffic.

Linda Bowman must be tempted to give up: her beautiful daughter was murdered and obscenely abused yards from her home. The man convicted of the brutality is to appeal. She tells us, in no uncertain terms, how she feels about it.

We all feel, strongly, that Arsenal should beat Liverpool and that Chelsea should beat Fenerbache: in both cases because the opposition aren't from London and in the second case because we don't enjoy wrestling with the name of the Turkish side. Estelle will preview a great night of soccer as we wish the Blues and the Gooners every success in dumping the opposition.

Dumping at Mucking Lane in Essex is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy - you couldn't "re-cycle" at Mucking Lane, could you? It has to be "dumping". But no more! A magic wand has wafted away the odour by changing the purpose of the eponymous pit - mystery revealed at 6 by the ever fragrant Chrissie.

Les Dennis is in the studio - he has written his life story: we asked a hundred people how they felt about Les and we will share the findings at 6.... with you if not with Les.
There's lots more news, as well, but if I told you what, it wouldn't still be news, would it?

Hope you can join us, fresh as daisies and raring to go.

Alastair & Katie.

 

London Tonight Tonight Tuesday 1st April

Hello there!

I know you were probably looking forward to your daily musings from Alastair, but he went off on a secret mission this afternoon, leaving me in charge. It's mine, all mine! Ah, the power.

Sadly however, any prospect of a lengthy think piece from yours truly has been thwarted by the fact that in 4 minutes I'm due to go into the studio and do some work. Shame. So let me tell you briefly what we've in store for you at 6.

 

We've a  horror story of blood, sweat and tears in the NHS. And unfortunately I'm talking about real blood, and real sweat. Our viewer, in hospital to have rather a serious heart operation, was so appalled by the filth around him that he took photos and they don't make for pretty viewing, I'm afraid ... We name and shame, and hopefully THAT might improve things.

 

You may have seen the picture in the paper today of Labour's dear Deputy Leader, Ms Harriet Harman, sporting a fetching stab vest as she tours the streets of her constituency in Peckham. Not her usual work wear ... but perhaps a rather insensitive photo opportunity with her local bobbies. What do you think it says about street crime in South London though? Piers has been out and about to ask you.

 

We've another whistle blower .. this time a brave pizza restaurant manager, who decided to speak out about tips going to the bosses rather than to the workers.. and lost his job in the process. Now the unions are backing him .. and we take up the good fight.

Plus a tragic tale of a little girl who's suffering from a very rare form of cancer, and her amazing parents who are raising money to save her..

Oh and I almost forgot the bouffant and marvellous Melvyn Bragg in the studio too..

 

See you at 6!

 

Katie and Al