London Tonight Tonight

Good afternoon.
So there I was, enjoying a ciggie this morning when a lovely chap called Ben came up and told me (a) he liked the blog and (b) he worked in the main ITV press office. He wondered if the Oz and I and Katie actually wrote the blog. Holding myself back from asking if he thought it fell like literary manna from cyber-Heaven, I settled for "Yes, we do". So he said he'd put it on the ITV Twitter. So welcome Twitterers...! (I know that's not Twits as the Big Boss is a keen afficionado of this communications sensation and he is no Twit.)
If I seem a touch more cautious, initially, it is in deference to our new readers. But once they get used to us, it'll be bonkers time again, so here goes.
Tonight, roads across London and the home counties are under constant attack from diggers, pneumatic drills and even spades. Gaping wounds are inflicted upon these fine and noble thoroughfares amidst noise, grime, dust and human sweat. Then they lie there, silent, immobile, paralysed. Why, oh why, do so many companies and organisations do that? Dig a hole and do something, fine. Dig a hole and just drift off - criminal abuse. I may disagree with your reasons for digging the hole but, like Voltaire I will defend to the death your right to dig it.... if, and only if, you then do something.
Bozza has the answer. Large yellow plastic boards that look like surf-boards that have been caught, unawares, by a steam-roller. You can just hear Bozza saying: "Right. Splendid. Just the thing". Are they? Harris, who prefers flying to driving or cycling, is our objective judge.
Sticking with the hole theme, in Essex the good burghers of Navestock wish to retain their holes and have told the slightly bigger and more self-important burghers of Essex County Council to butt out of their affairs. It hinges on how a hole in the ground might be one burgher's "sleeping Policeman" but another burgher's dangerous accident inflicting chasm. Marcus, still a-glow at Arsenal's trouncing of Villarreal, will give the system his famous treatment. (Is there a team in the Spanish league called Villafake? Just wondered.)
Is our Everest coverage fake or real? Real, I bellow, with the full, frost-bitten support of those mad-hatters clambering up the world's highest mountain to play cricket. I know it is mad but it is not a diversion: that is what they are doing and that is what Mark is reporting on. But two of the biggest pedants in the newsroom said, in that simpering snidy way "Of course, you know they're not on Everest, don't you?" Bah and humbug I say to them. Where do they think they are, 13,000 feet above sea-level on the Indo-Nepalese border? Up Ben Nevis? Lost in Snowdonia? I hate pedants and I love the mad-hatters: more FROM EVEREST and Mark at 6.
Much scope for pedantry in Piers' report from outside Scotland Yard where a group of protestors are gathering. They muster under the colours of the Stop The War campaign. But which war? That perceived to have broken out between the Met and the mass ranks of anti-globalisation types at the recent G20 summit - or the declining skirmish in Iraq? Or both? Piers will be pedantic in his explanation, no doubt.
More pedantry over The Travellers who have bought a bit of green belt and rather transparently arrived with the deeds and a lot of building materials. "Foul" cried the locals. "Fair play... and possession IS nine tenths of the law" replied the travellers. Pistols at dawn... well, actually at 6, with Phil.
Harvey Thomas is a gent who used to organise big national conferences for the Conservative Party and nearly got killed in the Brighton Hotel bombing. He is a personal friend of mine so I found it odd to see him on our lunchtime news making a moving and very believable apology for something. It involves a crematorium, some ashes and a variation on that childhood ditty of thinking you've seen someone on the stairs only to learn that you didn't. It is a sad and moving story with a good conclusion. The lovely Emma guides you tastefully through it.
Chrissie just goes for broke on the weather. Heat-wave. Rain-storms. Two days from the weekend. Is she running out of fuel or options? Tune in to find out.
Papers, cos we like to. Your e-mail thoughts on holes in the road, cos we love to.
There's still easter egg chocolate doing the rounds so puffed out cheeks and sticky fingers at 6 I guess.
The Oz is nursing a bottle of mineral water and dreaming of Hugh Jackman who makes an appearance on the show. I gather they are compatriots but he has slightly longer and more dangerous fingernails. Now there's a thought to risk ending on.
See you at 6.
Alastair and Alex.

London Tonight Tonight

Good afternoon.

The Oz has just popped off to buy tea and cakes so the blog is mine, ALL MINE!
(When Oscar Wilde arrived in Australia for a lecture tour he was asked by immigration if he had a criminal record. He replied "I didn't know it was still obligatory!". Laugh? They nearly put him away. Australian spin bowler Shane Warne was only caught two-timing his wife because he didn't understand how his cell phone worked. Laugh? No, she cried. And, in the 50s and 60s, Brits only had to pay a tenner to emigrate Down Under. Many, after the first few days, asked for their money back. Laugh? No, they came home. Heads up, the Oz is back, so back to the programme.)

Tonight we've the story of Jack Tweed's incarceration. He, the widower of the late Jade Goody, had a brilliant lawyer who explained all the "pressure" Jack had been under and how the trauma of Jade's death had "matured" him and even given him "dignity". Nick will report on the cab driver Jack threatened and throttled with not a lot of maturity or dignity, and how it means Jack will be spending more time with his new self, without the distractions of freedom.

Our Mayor, Bozza, likes nothing more than the freedom of the roads: crisp clean air, whistling through his trademark blonde locks and creating shapes and shades, wisps and whiskers, Turner would be proud of. It is only possible because he often does all that "sans chapeau". Some say that is V naughty and a V bad example. By way of distraction, Bozza now wants to legalise cyclists turning left on a red light. In America, they do it already going RIGHT on a red - they drive on the other side of the road, though why I have never been entirely sure. I think this is dangerously complicated for Bozza and for London's many cyclists. Well, if it be Bozza's will then "render unto Bozza what is Bozza's" - subject to an intelligent debate and primary legislation in Parliament, of course! Glen pops on his clips and his aerodynamic skull-cap and pedals off for all he's worth. Bike, trike or tandem I don't know, but we'll all find out together at 6. Ding ding!

We've withdrawals: Not from hole-in-the-wall cash machines but OF hole-in-the-wall cash machines. And plans to make Oxford Circus a diagonal pedestrian precinct. I'd have sworn most tourists thought it already was when last I attempted to ply my way up towards Upper Regent Street or down toward what was the old Cafe Royal. Maybe it's just me.

Liverpool have a mountain to climb to claw back victory from Chelsea who go into tonight's euro-match with a complex advantage, having done rather well whilst visiting Anfield. God may, however, smile upon the Kop as tomorrow is the anniversary of the tragedy of Hillsborough, and He may think they are owed one. A footy rather than theological preview, at 6, from the Bridge.

Some odd chaps also have a mountain to climb - Everest, to be precise - to play a game of cricket. Yes, I know - "hatters". A few have already been given the Finger of Dismissal by the Great Weather Umpire but, stretching even my slim and rather uninterested knowledge of cricket rules, it seems they have another eight "Twelfth Men". That can't be right or numerate, but Mark Jordan says "Play up, play up, and play the game." And it seems they do, or will. I am still at Base Camp One on this one.

Chris De Burgh is Irish, had a universal hit with Lady in Red AND a daughter who went on to be Miss World. The "luck of" comes to mind but will he be testing it with his latest album? We will ask him, live at 6.

Papers, your thoughts on cyclists being given rights of the road we motorists are denied, plus Martin, who loves F1 and never runs the lights, with your weather.
I think that's it and I trust the Oz will skip the opening paragraph of inane ramblings and cut to the chase. If not, I can see this chocolate muffin she got me going all over my face... hope it's good for my skin.

See you at 6.

Alastair & Alex.

(P.S. - from the Ed - don't forget there's round the clock behind the scenes updates and breaking news on twitter - http://twitter.com/londontonight)

Jack Tweed jailed

Jack Tweed, Jade Goody's widower, is jailed for 12 weeks



Full details on London Tonight at 6pm

Chelsea v Liverpool tonight

We'll talk to our pitchside pundit on the programme tonight. Before that, some thoughts from Benitez and Hiddink..

London Tonight Tonight

Happy Easter!!

I'm not here tomorrow - Sangeeta's looking after you - so I get to wish you lots of Easter cheer now. So, Happy Easter Bunnies and Egg Hunts and for those of you who've stuck with it, enjoy the end of Lent.. I know I will!

But, I do hope not too many of you are heading away for the bank holiday. Obviously I'll be happy for you if you're having a nice break. But we're all being warned again! - to expect 'travel chaos'. We get it every single bank holiday, but it does generally turn out to be true.

I'm going to try toavoid puns on top of obvious warnings tonight. Our new Ed - Neil (who's going to be looking after Faye's job while she's off having her bubba) got a bit of stick for a little too much fromage frais (ie too many puns) in the show last night. So am showing my support here.

Plus, I've already heard all the puns about Mr Quick's blunder that I'd only be plagiarising anyway..

So - more probs for our cops. Not only is one of them being talked to about Ian Tomlinson's death at the G20 protests, now Quick's said goodbye (see, I could have said a swift exit!) after showing off those anti-terror plans. Not so good for Bozza. But good news is the man stepping into his shoes is John Yates, who Al assures us is a very good choice. Plus it means we've now got a woman stepping into Yates' shoes - Janet Williams is now Assistant Commissioner at Scotland Yard. So good and bad news at the top.. We'll have the latest on that and find out how you're feeling about the police right now..

Next we're delving in to Henry the Eighth goodies! Hampton Court's celebrating 500 years since he was crowned King and they're putting on a show of his wares. Glen's got a first glimpse before it opens to the rest of us tomorrow - there's an idea for the weekend for ya!

Another idea is broccoli. Not eating it - although you will probably need the green goodness to counteract the bucket load of chocolates and hot cross buns....mmmmmmmm... I mean the broccoli behind Bond. Lucy's been to see the James Bond/Chubby Broccoli extravaganza at the South Bank - they're doing a season of his best bits and the best bit for me is Roger Moore (in Sean Connery and Daniel Craig's absence). He's talking to Lucy about all things 007.

Then, Corr blimey!! (Sorry, couldn't help myself!) Andrea Corr's in tonight. She's coming in with Niamh Cussack to talk about the play they're in at The Old Vic. It's called Dancing at Lughnasa - it's a brilliant production of Brian Friel's play. Which I've just found out was also made into a move starring Meryl Streep and Rhys Ifans - might have to check that out. I saw the play earlier in the week and really enjoyed it. Also spotted Andrea in the theatre bar afterwards looking very, very tiny in a minute skirt and tights. She was great in her first stage role (even though she's obviously been on stage loads with the band) and Niamh Cussack was brilliant as always. Looking forward to talking to them both and finding out about the future of The Corrs and Heartbeat!

I think I need to go and run around outside to burn off some of this chocolate energy/calories - and it's not even Good Friday - oh dear..

See you at 6.

Alex & Alastair.

London Tonight Tonight

Afternoon,

You will have seen the pics in the papers and have probably caught the video on the TV or the internet today - if not, you'll see it tonight. It's of the moment Ian Tomlinson died at the G20 protests last week. He is apparently hit by a police officer and falls to the ground. We knew Mr Tomlinson died of a suspected heart attack during the protests - what we didn't know was that the police had contact with him before he died. Remember at the time they said they'd tried to help him when he was found on the ground - but couldn't 'cos of the protesters around him. They said when they got to him it was too late - but now the question is - was it their fault he fell ill in the first place?

This is where it all gets messy - the pics are pretty incriminating - Ian's family want a criminal investigation - the IPCC's looking into it.. Simon's been checking all the facts too - he'll bring us all the details tonight. We'll be asking for your input on this too.

From one tragedy to another - a ten year old boy's been orphaned after his Dad - who was due to give up work to take care of him full time - was killed cycling to the job he was only going to be at for two more days. William's' Mum died from cancer only months earlier. She left behind two kids from her previous marriage - now they at just 21 and 19 - are going to be looking after William. Marcus Powell's been to meet them.

Now, as it's a lovely sunny day we thought we'd send Liz out to the garden - well, not our garden.. We don't have one! And neither do the gardeners who used to potter and hoe to their hearts' content in Manor Gardens. They were chucked out 'cos it's the Olympic Park - the land was then flattened - but now there's a gardening competition on the plots. I'm confused - Liz will make it all as clear as mud - no, that's not the right saying - you know what I mean!

Next - mainly - Whoopi!! Whoopi Goldberg's on the show!! Faye and i can't wait to see Sister Act on the stage - that's what she's on the show talking to Lucy about...Al says he'd pay good money to avoid it. By the way - it's his 31st wedding anniversary today!! He's away rehearsing something so i can pop that in here and send huge congratulations to himself and the lovely Mrs Stewart!!

Also, don't miss Matthew Kelly - he's coming in to tell us about his new life as a serious actor!

It's all at 6 as per usual.

See you then,

Alex & Alastair.

Tamil protest causes chaos

Amir Khan supports rail campaign

What Not To Miss

Here are the official websites of the items featured this week.

Chocolate Festival

Whitechapel Gallery

Animate The World

London Tonight Tonight

Afternoon,

It's sunny again!! I'm easily pleased - a bit of sun's all I need - well, a glass of wine would be nice too and a comfy seat in a pub garden..but considering I'm still off the booze for lent and the show's on at 6 I'll have to be content with just the nice weather for now..

Al's not here yet - he's at a charity lunch - so it's just me for now - but later it'll be me, him and Robbie Collin doing the movies as James King's decided to bunk off today. I saw The Boat That Rocked last night - and must admit I had pretty high expectations for it - great cast and a subject close to my heart (sort of...I started work on a radio station..but not one on a boat..anyway..) My sister's been texting me lines from the film all day "You look like a Unicorn" and "He's a guy who has a lot of friends, long hair and wears a dress...who is it!?" If you've seen the movie already you'll get it. Now, I did get it - but I didn't think it was wet your pants funny, disappointing... Monsters versus Aliens does look v funny though - love a cartoon but fear I may have to borrow a child to see it. Maybe I'll wait for that one to hit DVD.

Enough movies for now - more news.

Remember all those body parts that have been turning up? Now police say the arm, leg and head (which was found in Leicestershire) are all from the same body..so a killer's chopped someone up and is ditching parts all over the country. Marcus Powell's got the job of telling the gruesome story.

More gruesome news from Italy where the Meredith Kercher trial's been shown pictures of her body and the murder scene. The media's been banned after a request from her family - but Keith Miller's going to bring us up to date from Perugia.

Al's back and is now sticking his oar in!! He's instructed me to tell you he's a huge PD James fan - so he's finding these stories not only gruesome but intriguing.. He's now also singing Oh Vienna at me...more of in a mo...

Onto the less gory parts of the show and LVJ's been to meet a lollipop man who's become the focus of an internet campaign. Great grandfather Fred Kent's been told he can't do his job anymore - 'cos he's just turned 80. The kids love him and Lewis is going to tell us about their parent's plans to keep him on the road.

Now the sport - as you probably know Al and I both love Formula One and our Brit boys Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button (I also have a soft spot for my Aussie mate Mark Webber but we don't need to go into that here....) So, as happy as we were that Jens won Down Under - the hangover from the overtaking/not overtaking lying/not lying...between Lewis and Jarno hasn't made for the best start to the season. We hear from little Lewie himself tonight.

There's also footy - and Chelsea getting ready to take on Newcastle and their new Messiah (third one this season..yes?!)

You saw those great pics of Michelle Obama at a school in Islington yesterday - she was overwhelmed and the little kids all wanting to hug her made Al tear up too - so Big Boss has sent Glen down to see the kids and find out all about the First Lady's visit. Prepare for more welling up.. so sweet!

Now to that Vienna stuff - and yes Alastair I do know the song - I'm not that young (I wish!!). But, I don't really remember Ultravox as such though - but Al bought Vienna on vinyl and loves it - an anthem he says... Well, Midge is back with the boys and Lucy's been to see them - first time they've been back together since Live Aid (not Live 8 kids!).

See you at 6 then,

Alex & Alastair

Michelle Obama in Islington

Incredible scenes as Michelle Obama visits an Islington school

More on London Tonight at six..

London Tonight Tonight

Afternoon,

Another sunny day in the capital - another day of G20ness.

But today there's a very different atmosphere in the City. The protesters have mostly gone home, the graffiti's being washed away, the litter picked up and the windows of the bank boarded up.

There are protesters outside the summit - I say outside, but they're actually being kept a "safe" distance away - about 600 meters away to be precise. They're not happy but they're not making their point in the same way as some of them did yesterday.

Today's images are of squats being raided and small groups of people trying to make their voices heard. All the while the suits are inside discussing - they're going to stop all the chat just in time for the show when we'll know what, if anything, has been decided.

Al's on his way back from the Excel now - he was allowed in and has been chatting to Bob Geldof and other important types about what's going on.

Ben's swapping places with him and will keep us up to date with the goings on at the Excel in the programme. Meanwhile, after we sent Nick right into the middle of the protests yesterday he's been out checking on the aftermath, and Simon's going to wrap it all up like Mrs Obama hugging Her Maj - talking us through just what all the chat is going to mean for us..

Away from the G20 and all the way up to Leicestershire 'cos that's where a head's been found. Marcus tells us if the head belongs to the other body parts which have turned up around town in the past couple of weeks.

Also, some breaking news which won't make the show but should get more than a mention here - we've just heard the Big Boss (that's Stuart Thomas in the real world) is leaving us. He's been the Editor for 5 years, steering the good ship LT to success after success (I'm not sucking up..there's no point now he's leaving, obviously, just telling it how it is..) So, he's moving on (well, moving North where his family is actually) and cutting his commute considerably. Much Congrats - he will be hugely missed.
[ *** I am just back from Excel and THIS bit, I particularly agree with !!! *** Alastair]

Speaking of missed - you wouldn't want to miss Billy Ocean. He's on coming in tonight - which is why I've got The Going Gets Tough in my head. Remember that in Jewel of the Nile? Brilliant movie and a great song. Al and I will be chatting to him about his first album in 15 years, tailoring and the Notting Hill Carnival.

Then we've also got another one of our "Search for Stars" stars.

It's all at 6.

See you then,

Alex & Alastair.

London Tonight Tonight

Hi,

You may have heard us talking about Twitter in recent weeks - we've been "tweeting" updates on the programme through the day for a little while.

For those of you who haven't come across it yet, it's a kind of micro-blogging site. Still not sure what that means? Basically it's like text messaging (but on the internet) a whole group of people some of whom you know and others who just follow you because they like what you say. Still don't get it? No, neither did we till we actually tried it, but trust us, it's rather popular and very trendy all of a sudden - and it seems today was the day of the Twitter demonstration - as G20 protesters descended on the capital.

Can we say the organisers were using Twitter? Well - they probably were - but the overwhelming number of people using it were journalists, bystanders, city workers, "everyday" protestors and people all over the world who just wanted to talk about what was going on. #g20 (a hash code allows you to search for a certain topic) became very popular, people posted their own pictures of the events, and people have started talking about the protest and the G20 summit being a turning point for Twitter (as is the headline in this Telegraph article http://bit.ly/o0Eya ).

We'll reflect all that tonight (and you can still follow - or read back on - our twitter updates at http://twitter.com/londontonight ).

But of course, more importantly, we'll also have the story of the day the "old" media way, with pictures, reporters and cameramen and women in the thick of it, bringing you all you need to know about what happened, what's happening, and what's likely to happen next.

Alastair and Katie are live on location with the programme tonight - don't miss it.

Latest G20 pictures

Don't forget live updates on http://twitter.com/londontonight and full coverage on ITV1 in London at 6pm tonight

More G20 protests

G20 latest video

Obama arrives in Downing Street

G20

Follow our updates on Twitter (@londontonight) and on ITV1 from 1330, 1800 and 2200.

London Tonight Tonight

Good afternoon.
I have to confess it is an odd day.
Most people who use Stansted airport do so for it's "cheap and cheerful" flights operated principally by Ryanair. I was once booked on one and asked, on check-in, if I might have an aisle seat. "If you can get one" came the accurate but not entirely helpful response.
It will be funny, therefore, to see the Boeing 747 which is Air Force One arrive this evening with President Obama on board. He can sit where he wants and doesn't have to queue for duty free, even though he still smokes. He arrives a bit after we finish, but Ben will capture the anticipation. Michael O'Leary, who runs Ryanair, will try and charge the President for anything and everything, but will be whisked away by the men with crew-cuts who talk to their cuff-links and who are constantly listening to the CIA HQ in Langley Virginia on their ear-pieces.

Katie is sitting listening to Oxygen by Jean Michel Jarre who is not on the programme tonight but who can only manage to come and see us today before his concert in two weeks' time. Tres busy cher Michel! So we are talking to him today. You will have to be patient and try to remember the memorable rift in the middle of Oxygen before you see and hear him in a fortnight...

Patience will also be required tomorrow in what is called Gold Command. It is the nerve centre of the Met's operations when "a big one" is in the offing. It was here that the surveillance of Jean Charles De Menezes went so tragically wrong, so let's hope there's been a shift change since then because tomorrow and Thursday they will be looking after London and our 19 "global-leader" guests [G20=Gordon Brown + 19 others!]
Obama has his own small regiment and I would advise the Boys in Blue to smile sweetly, compliment them on their hair-dressing and ask them to "move along please". They neither need nor welcome help. Piers is among those under the command of Gold Command, and KD and I talk to he who will be Gold Commander, live on the programme. We'll avoid asking him about fiscal stimuli, but will try and get one in on what chances there are of getting to the Isle of Dogs on Thursday. We'll risk asking him if he and his Thin Blue Line are likely to over-react and, assuming he doesn't over-react himself and clamp us in irons, we'll bid him farewell and ask for your thoughts.

Despite hints from Downing Street and the Treasury, we will not be diverting The People's Millions to bail out the Dunfermline Building Society or any of the other financial institutions driven into the ground by greed, incompetence, toxic assets and a fundamental lack of paying attention. No, good friends, we will give them to you. Or at least to those among you who come up with the best-argued case for a worthy recipient. Browns and Darlings need not put on wigs and false moustaches! I mean what I write...

Minnie, who doesn't work on London Tonight but works with KD and me on Lunchtime News, has just shimmied by saying "he's cool, quite fit" which neither means he's an Inuit nor a weightlifter. Faye, (pastel check, jeans and ballet pumps - and a year older but not a day less beautiful) says "Yeah, you remember him... what was it KD? That song... you know, bit like James Blunt but not..."
All this supposedly helpful background info blurred in my mind and I gave up. Lucy, who knows what she is talking about, is talking to James Morrison who is performing at the Royal Albert Hall; given what I do know about that venue, I am happy to assume he is both good and famous. You be the judges.

We also have something that isn't really important but is fun nonetheless - a couple from Greenford went to Cambridgeshire but missed Greenford. So they recreated it, Greenford that is, there and then. Well there but not then - it took years. Scale is at the heart of the tale and you won't want to miss it. Believe me.

We always believe Chrissie with her weather but I am thinking of getting the scarf out again, given what I've heard.
The papers don't lie, they just spin a bit, but we'll have them for you.
And our latest talented young Londoner who is called Kevin and is a free-runner. Nope.... I am in James Morrison territory again but I am told the opening sequence of James Bond's "Casino Royale" will help....

See you at 6.

Alastair and Katie.

London Tonight Tonight

Good afternoon.

A lovely woman is selling chocolate muffins in our office for the charity Women for Women which is not some militant, latter-day Pankhurstian group of men-haters, but a really great gang supporting Professor Winston and his fertility work. So I bought one and then treated the Oz to one. She is, as I speak, making tea to go with the aforementioned confections.
Meantime, in 1361, in St Albans, the medieval monastic equivalent of Marco Pierre White, contrived a wonderful bun, laced with cardamom, with two lines, intersecting at 90 degrees, cut into the pre-baked mixture. He didn't call it a Hot Cross Bun but an Alban Bun. Alban was an early English martyr who died, not as a result of eating too many buns, but for his faith in 304 AD at the hands of the Romans. They, I am told by Faye, (beautifully enormous now as a result of her impending motherhood rather than an excess of buns), took the original Hot Cross Buns to Greece where they flourished... so much better than a kebab late at night after too much cheap liquor, I suppose.
Anyway, tonight Ben heads for Verulamium, as was, and samples the modern day equivalent of the bun, as was. The Oz and I have asked for some, too, but we are yet to learn of our luck, so will keep the chocolate muffins under wraps incase The Big Boss decrees we have stuffed our faces, to excess, already. Gorgeous Dan is also worried: he thinks it will make a mess of "his" studio... I do, however, have a dustpan and brush and a passion for a bun. Watch this space.

Talking of "excess": 2 Jumbo Jets, a fleet of helicopters, a battalion of Ray-Ban wearing, cuff communicating crew-cut cadres, a mobile hospital, a private blood bank, a unique Cadillac which has more in common with a tank than a limo', and your own chef might be a reasonable example of that word. When Obama travels, the White House travels with him. So apart from the actual slave-built, architectural edifice on Pennsylvania Avenue, it seems we are getting the lot for the two and half days your man is here. He is a superstar with much of the world's affection and hopes resting on his elegant shoulders, but we will be hard-pressed to see him. Apart from on TV. I think it is a shame and so does Harris; so, on your behalf, he is scouting the City and the East End for possible vantage points. I've suggested a very short haircut, flash sunglasses and Bermuda shorts to help him blend in, but he gave me a very old-fashioned look. By the way, I don't think Obama likes the Cadillac, known as The Beast, as he has just made the resignation of the Chief Exec' of General Motors a condition for more Government aid! Teach him to get the interior and hub caps wrong, won't it?

Marcus is not scouting the East End of the City for vantage points but is on the heels of the Boys in Blue who are scouring Hertfordshire for body parts. Two bits have already turned up and if they can find the rest, they'll know who it is, and start the grim process of discovering why someone decided to do such a dreadful thing. It is a gruesome yet fascinating tale.

What could also be fascinating and gruesome is the new alliance of protesters over Heathrow's expansion. On the one hand, the persistent yet polite people of Sipson; on the other, son of Swampy and the types who will scale the fence and run in front of the 3.20 flight to Tenerife at the drop of a banner. Ronke goes underground and behind the lace curtains, to get the full and balanced story.

Jon is feeling crowded in his flat and so has produced a piece on "extensions". I think this is an attempt to garner favour with the planning committee, or persuade his lender of the merits of a bigger mortgage: I can do "dubious" just as well as "convinced", you see, and on this one it's a "D". Seriously, he is not alone, and Kirstie will tell us if "I'm putting in an attic conversion" is the new "I'm moving up the property ladder".

My favourite story of the day involves silent black and white films of the First World War, a lip-reader and a very busy "beeper". In my view, those young men, and some were obscenely young, were entitled to say whatever they wanted as loudly as they wanted; but, at 6pm, we have seen the better part of valour, and it is caution. It's a bit like the Heathrow alliance - there are some young soldiers, probably called Bertie, who wish their "mamas" all the best; and a few, probably called "Tommy", who tell the cameraman where he can put his lens in rather graphic and amusing detail. In Phil's hands, it will be moving, enlightening and funny.

Our Search for The Stars found some, and we will share. Wacky Rimmel is Faye's hot tip. I think it might be a cartoon car race between items of make-up but Faye's saying nothing. Again, our programme at 6 will resolve all.

Please be there or you will miss all of the above, plus Chrissie and the papers.

(Please e-mail The Big Boss in support of the bun consumption aspiration!)
That's me sacked again.

Alastair and/or, if I am sacked, Alex